"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to alk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger rage, malice, slander, and flithy language from you lifps. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." Colossians 3:5-10
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and DEARLY LOVED, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14
Last Sunday I was up on stage playing with the band. It was an hour before service even started and we got a new edition to our band, a really good saxophone player. It made me feel down because I'm not that good anymore... he's sitting up in the front row with the trumpets. I felt like, I'm behind them no one really cares to see me.. then the mic wasn't working and I thought well why even play if people won't hear me. Church started and I played but they were empty notes. It hit me, you're not playing for these people, you're not playing for pastor, or the music director. God is the one who wants to hear me, it's like the whole room is empty, the stage is empty, and there He is on the front row listening to me, watching me.
I felt so stupid and started to bawl, which then it was hard to play, eventually I gathered myself up and played again. When I feel alone, down about my looks, or "stuck" like I have I've been staying positive. We're being watched over and taken care of by someone really awesome. He'll order our steps and guide us. I haven't really been reading the Word like I need to, I need to cling to it. I want to witness I really do. Every-time we set foot outside it's our mission field. It's our calling. It's our time.
I slipped up today and I'm going to tell the truth. I put coffee creamer in my bag, I forgot I put it in there, and it got all over my textbooks. I also rented my textbooks... therefore if they get damaged I have to pay for them. Well I got very angry, I threw things around, I was snappy with my family, I raised my voice, and I said a couple of foul words. It was totally un-called for and I don't know where this rage came from. I apologized to my mom and Rhiannon, it wasn't there fault. It was mine and I was taking it all out on everyone else. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and take a deep breath.
As silly as this sounds I do ask myself, What would Jesus do? It's a valid question. :D
Other than that, my day has been fantastic. I installed six soap dispensers at the daycare. It was super hard because I had to make holes for the screws when you're suppose to drill holes. XD But I feel like I worked on my muscles. They're moving me out of the room I'm in into Alissa's room. I am thankful, so thankful. Those kids I have now need someone who will be consistent and tough with them. I was spit on today, I was kicked at today, they ran away from me, they kept on telling me "no". It's hard. I'm glad I'm going to an easier room, more laid back and quiet.
My dad went to Georgia for work, he left Sunday. He's suppose to come back tomorrow. I can't wait, I miss my daddy!
Things I'm looking forward to this weekend:
1. Being at home! D:
2. Vintage Flea Market
3. Treating the guys like KINGS!
4. Seeing my girls, I miss you guys D':
5. Hopefully start painting!
6. Going to church!
7. Enjoy a peaceful, loving, warm weekend.