Wednesday, December 12, 2012


I am a princess, long may I reign.


I was going to write a blog yesterday.. but then I went to bed before 9 p.m. I don't know what was wrong with me, guess I just needed the sleep. I can't totally remember what I was going to blog about.. BUT today truly has been a magical day.

First we took Greyson to his doctor's appointment, to a new doctor's office. The last one was on a military base and the people who took care of us were awful. But the doctor, Dr. Kari, was super nice and really way cool. The nurse who gave him his shots was really nice and fast with the whole thing. It was a great experience. Then we went to the Cheesecake Factory, which is next to the mall, which is usually packed.. but it wasn't! We got in and was seated immediately. And yes, I splurged. I got a smokehouse BBQ burger, sweet potato fries, and a diet coke. YUM! So I was eating and talking to Michelle and I looked past her... there was this guy behind her. A younger guy, maybe mid to late 20's, and he was with an older gentleman, like his grandfather or something. Well I caught his gaze and we met eyes for a moment, and he smiled.


I probably turned bright red. He was so cute... now if only someone would approach me. I'd probably freeze up though.. Where's my Chris Evans? Haha, then we came home and I took the dogs on a walk and I started to watch Once Upon A Time.. I love that show O.O

Anyway.. it's not that bad Meghan lol. They treat me good and pay for like everything. I mean I do complain about some things.... Like about being lonely, how fussy the child can be, yada yada. I'd say overall, I have it way better than Scarlet did.

Speaking of Scarlett Johanssen, I saw "Girl With A Pearl Earring" and it was quite good. Cillian Murphy was in it.. and if my memory serves me correctly, when we were in computer class together Meghan, you told me that was your favorite actor ;3333

Yesterday I didn't have any soda at all! Today I had diet coke at the restaurant, but I wanna totally cut it out. I bought diet green tea to replace it with. I'm slowly going to start replacing sweets with fruits. I've been walking an hour everyday but I wanna go hardcore. I brought a workout dvd... I wanna get Just Dance 4, to work out and have fun at the same time! lol


I've got my mom convinced and now I'm working on my dad. DISNEY. VACATION. DEC 2013.

December? Why?

The week before Christmas is suppose to be one of their "dead" / slow weeks.

OHMAIGAWSH, I'm so excited!!! I'm going to make HUGE puppy eyes.

I am such a little girl at heart.. I AM A PRINCESS /sobsobsobsob

Um, I think that is all. I'm going to try and find more of Once Upon A Time episodes.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

"We use to play outside when we were full of life, full of love."

I love this music video, it's so different and unique. The music is really awesome too, they use instruments! Like band instruments, trumpets and stuff. That seems rare now-a-days.

Next step to a career: I have to get CNA training.. so I need to figure out when I can come home and do that... there's two options #1: a program will pay for it for me, but I have to work one year in a nursing home that's sooner care #2: I pay $700 that includes books and fees. Honestly I would rather pay the money then indebted myself to someone, you know? Then I have to pay $50.00 to take the Hessi exam (entrance exam) by April 1st. I have to get an OSBI done and get everything submitted so that I can be looked over for next fall! YAYAYAYA! I'm so excited. Like its within my grasp. And I've already told myself that if I don't make the cut that time, that I can always get a job as a CNA and try try try try again.

You guys are going to hate me when I say this... haha but I'm helping out at the daycare over Christmas break XPPPP I'm sorry! But I told her that I would help her out and she wanted to take Vacation time off. SO I couldn't go back on my word. Plus I have enough of a vacation away from it all. And I mean I am going to work there in the summer...... cause I don't start out on minimum wage XPPP lol

I feel like I have lost myself.

I don't know who I really am anymore. I feel like I exist.

I was using my floral purse, the one Cheryl gave me, and I was told.... "Let's get you a new purse that floral is not your style." But I like floral. I REALLY LOVE FLORAL. And that cute floral, vintage, victorian style. I wanted to buy a new wardrobe and wear that kind of cute clothes. Like the styles of what I post... I somehow have a boho/hippie stereotype stuck on me.. :///// that was a phase and I grew out of it. I love flowers....

But it just got me to think.. what is my "style"? And I'm afraid that right now it's lumberjack 40 year old frumpy man, 'specially with my short hair.. I've been super envious of everyone's long hair >.>


When things slow down at the end of the day I'm reminded of how lonely it gets... and I wonder if anyone else is lonely..

I promise I'm not fishing for anything, no pity parties here. Just putting thoughts down. I don't need your sympathy either.. I've put myself in all of these predicaments, all of these things are caused by my horrible lack of judgement. I just wish instant gratification worked for everything, that'd be great... 

- Finish shopping for family Christmas: 2/11 left!
- Paper final due Sunday December 9th!

I've been watching too much Disney. Life doesn't work like that D: whyy Disney?

I'm so sick of couples.. and kissing noises... /stares

and I'm not having children till I die.

Okay, more like when I'm 35, oh lawd..

I've raised enough in my lifetime frankly, well more than you, over ten lol.

Sometimes I feel like an old bitter soul, rofl.

/currently procrastinating homework 

I'd be more willing to turn in homework assignments if the professor was MORE WILLING to grade them. I hate that more than anything.. like I want to know what I have going into the final, you know? Like how much effort should I really put into this? Buh. It's your job to grade, do it.

Tomorrow is Friday, December 7th, 1941 the Pearl Harbor anniversary. 71 years ago, many people died that day. My mom knew someone.. and I vaguely remember her telling me stories about it because I was told when I was little 8 ish maybe?, but she was a little girl and grew up in Hawaii and she remembers vividly being like 4/5 and seeing blood, bodies wash up on the shore. Intense. But I think if I grew up during the 1940's I'd definitely be a nurse back then as well. Though even now, I think about going into some sort of military service as a nurse. Serving for our country, purpose, you know?

Monday, December 3, 2012

。 ・ : e n c h a n t e d : ・。

I'm watching Full House right now.. it brings back good memories. I remember watching it as a kid lol, I loved Michelle :3

I almost have all my shopping done for the family. I just have my Mom and Brant to finish up on. For Mom I'm going to get her a winter coat.. she really doesn't have a nice winter coat.. like a thick, water proof one. She just wears the thin zip-up jackets, which is all good, but for her job she can be called in in a second and no matter how the weather is. In snow, rain, etc. And she's outside a lot doing horses in the winter, so I thought that would be a great gift for her. Brant... I'm not sure yet what I'm gonna get him XP

Once I get the fam' shopped for, then I'm gonna start worrying about gifts for friends.. I mean I have picked up a couple of things here and there.. but heavy duty shopping will come later ;D

I have a paper due Sunday Dec 9th XPPP I am so procrastinating it.


So I want to put an end to bullying/cyber bullying.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Beware of r a n t i n g

I don't know what to say, my brain hurts. I have a lot to rant about.. /raiseseyebrows
But I don't feel like it? Buh.. but that video is super cute so you should watch it before I dive into my huge rant fest, that might take you a long time to read through.

Ready, set, GO!

- I guess when Rhiannon picked up Ambri from daycare P kind of jumped her about talking to me... like if she has spoken to me recently or not. I mean yes, I was talking to P and stuff.. about once a week. But geez, like I feel like I'm gonna get scolded or something. I mean I barely call my parents because I'm so exhausted at the end of the day.. I get my homework done and pass out. And I don't use my old phone, the battery died and I haven't recharged it... bet when I do plug it in I'll have a butt load of missed calls. But I know she's totally going to ask me about working Christmas break or working next Spring... I'm beginning to question relationships I have with other people, because I feel like I'm being used more often than not. 

- To stay or not to stay? I talked with my parents about it while I was there for Thanksgiving break, they said why not? That like four-ish months... the same amount of time I spent this past fall.. it went by pretty fast. And I'm getting paid.. that's more money for Nursing school. I just.. am torn.. and after a day like this *glares* it makes me question my sanity. Here's a rant within a rant:
            - this child is super whiny.. nap time is a time for people to regain sanity. It is essential. But when it's not there... one can tend to go off the deep end.
            - when you come home to your child, and your child wants you... don't nap on the couch and expect peace and quiet. Especially if your child is a whiny child..... >.>

These days are far between, but ohhhhhhhh. Like I can see the other side of child abuse. I'd never do it, that's not me and I love my babies.. but you know sometimes people can snap. Holy crap.

- Nursing school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Need I say more? I just wanna graduate already... if and when I get accepted in the fall 2013, it's two more years till I can graduate. Two more years till I can get a real job and move out. And finally grow up. D:

- I'm tired of my sister calling me and ranting about her life... her husband problems. I know that sounds a bit ironic, because I'm ranting right now.. and you guys are probably sick of hearing me rant, but it's like she never takes anyone's advice and some of it is her problem too. I.. I just don't wanna go into it.

- Brant, same as always, needs to grow up.


I feel like I have so much gray hair because of stress... and I eat cause I'm stressed. I know I do... when you're stressed you have that feeling, a weight, you feel like you're gonna fall off that cliff but you're right on the edge. So I try to fill that void with soda, and candy, and anything that tastes good. XP

I think I have decided to stay till next May. I mean it has many perks: great pay and they fly me back every month. I haven't told them yet... or anyone else. I think that's why P is gonna call me too, to see what's up working wise. I kind of have a pit in my stomach about that too... I know she wanted me to work during Christmas break.. but I'm just like ehh.... I told them I'd come back... but am I a horrible person for not wanting to? I probably will for the summer, just not a lot of hours... I can't do that again. I wanted to kill myself last summer. It was hell, seriously.

With that being said... I kind of want to go to Katsucon XP
And I've been thinking about re-doing Asami and Sophie for it... but who knows.

I haven't been thinking about working out or getting fit, but I'm going to... right now I just feel stressed with life and this stupid paper I have to write that I just wanna crawl in a hole, with sweatpants on, and hide from the world.


p.s. I totally know what I wanna do for my b-day / welcome home party >3