Sunday, August 28, 2011

"We have our hands lifted high, to the sky, and when the world wonders why, we'll just tell them we're loving our King."

Last night I was at the hospital (Baptist ER) with Rhiannon, Sean, Ruger, Mom, and Sean's parents. Ruger has been puking, having diarrhea, and loosing weight this whole week.. he's already tiny. Long story short he was dehydrated but they also think there's an underlying problem to why he's not gaining weight. We know he's lactose intolerant but there might be something else so they're being referred to another doctor. I think I was there till about after midnight and they left shortly after I did.

I had a dream last night and I was in the old high school/middle school bathroom, you know, the one by the office in the cafeteria/hallway. I think it was after band practice and before we were suppose to be loading up. It was that smell of old marching band uniforms and sweat from you shakos. We we're all in your normal casual pre-marching competition dress wear, black shirt, shorts, black socks, and dinkles. Getting all of our stuff together, you know, rushing around at the last minute making sure you do not leave anything. I was in the stall when I heard familiar voices, my high school friends. It seemed like good times, high school no cares. I remember walking out of the bathroom with them because we always walked in packs, haha. There was glass everywhere in the hallway, like nick nacks, and suddenly we all looked like we did after high school, and our gang was still kinda close. Then we changed again, we look like we do now, and I got lost in what seemed like a mini shopping mall inside the middle school. I knocked over some glass and it shattered everywhere. I just sat down on a slide and watched people walk by... weird dream.

I think it put me in a bad mood all day, that one stupid dream... It kind of made me want to go back into time and change things in highschool/middleschool that I did. I'd change my outlook, I'd try to be a better Christian because honestly I didn't even care then, I would be nicer to people, I would care more about my studies, I wouldn't give in to peer pressure, and honestly I would probably have changed my friends.

Another subject on my mind, which is constantly on my mind, is of course my weight. We were watching Hercules yesterday and Friday and the waistline on those girls... sheesh. Meg's isn't there, like seriously. But I catch myself looking at waistlines like that wishing and hoping. I use to think if I was skinnier that life would be better, rainbows and lollipops, and that it would come easier. Of course I do know that is not true, but I'm ready to wake up and not absolutely dislike myself. I feel like a blob...

I'm sorry I had to rant today... I just feel hateful and I want to be alone and want to sleep the day away and wake up like myself tomorrow.


I think school is already stressing me out and I've only had one week of it. But sooooo much rides upon this semester. I have to start studying for my entrance exam and I'm praying that I'll make it into Nursing school next semester... Physio is totally chemistry which I am horrible about that, so lots and lots of studying. I feel so behind, I just wanna scream! Haha, but I need to take it day by day. I think I'm going to make a schedule and try to follow it.

I've been so lazy, the energy is drained out of me and I don't know why... but I need to gather my energy and take my lazy butt to the gym and outside and what not. I know most of it is my fault, I have been letting myself eat when I'm board and not exercise... I'm great about making up excuses... but I need someone to hold me accountable, like I'm not letting someone else down. Because my inner self is like... sheesh, whatever I don't care, but when someone else is helping me I'm like Oh crap, I don't want to let them down. Is that weird? Probably! Haha. And when I think about it, I've been on this "loosing weight health kick" for a while now... like two years! And if I was really serious about it 2 years ago, I'd probably be where I want to be... so no more putting it off. I really want this for myself. I'm always worried what others will think or who it's gonna effect. I need to stop that and let go. I just need to let go.

I drew this just kind of contrasting myself. Like the difference in my hair to the difference in the colors I wear, I use to love love to wear teal. XD

It's weird, I can barely even remember that picture on the left... I don't even think it looks like myself. I don't remember when that was taken.. I think that's my senior year of highschool. Probably, because I had a horrible hack job on my hair as you can probably tell... it looks like a bowl on my head! ROFL

But as I take a step back and just look at these two pictures, even though I weighed less on the left and had longer hair I know overall that I'm much happier on the right. Even though I have more padding and shorter hair, lol, I know I'm surround by people who really truly care for me from the depths of their souls... unlike the picture on the left. I'm letting go of the grudge that I've secretly been holding onto: I forgive you Alisha, Sara, Emma, and Jincy for hurting me whether it was done intentionally or not. Life moves on and so do we but I'll always keep you in my prayers and my heart.

Lord, help me to be a better sister, friend, and daughter. Help me to show your love and peace through my life. Draw me close to you and never let me go. "Operate" your "surgeries" on my eyes, arms, mouth, thoughts, so that they will all glorify you. Thank you for your many blessings.

After getting all that off, I feel so much better. So much better. Haha! Cheryl, when we get an apartment please forgive me... because I am probably going to be lazy. The other day it came to me... "When I grow up, get out of the house, what will I do?.... GASP, you just work and go home. WHOA! I can sleep in and watch tv and do whatever till all hours of the night and not have anyone to say anything about it! Yeah buddy, no parents." Rofl, my parents just laughed. But I promise to not be messy. <3

Love you girls, thanks for reading. I'm sorry that I'm so down on myself all the time and sometimes I can work myself into a depression but I just had to get it out and off my chest. I hope to see y'all soon! I can't wait till Peter Pan! I got the tickets in the mail yesterday! I yelled and danced with them!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Well, you know how men are. They think "No" means "Yes" and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours."

Hmm, first week of school has gone and past and I'm already ready for Labor day break. Because not only do I get that Monday off of school the daycare is closed too. So I get to relax all the way around! Haha.

I have so much reading and studying to do already, uhhh. So me and the kiddos just got done watching Hercules, I love the muses. The whole gospel sound it's awesome. It has also sparked an interest for me I think it would be cool to cosplay as Meg. So gals, this brings me to another proposal, we should totally do a Disney cosplay group, that would be awesome. lol

Hm, anything else happen this week... OH Alex turned 6 on Thursday and of course we had a "Cars" party. He of course got a Mater and a Lightening McQueen and other "Cars" merchandise.

I restarted Final Fantasy X-2 in hope of getting the perfect ending... evil percentage. I hate it when games make you have to earn percentage... glare. 

I'm excited. My parents are looking for another car so that I won't have to drive the truck everywhere. It has no air conditioning and the gas bill (it's diesel) is outrageous. I hope they get it soon, haha. I haven't been able to get rid of my bad skin because I sweat all the time in the truck. XD But I'm excited... and yes! Four more weeks till Peter Pan! Whooo! I can't wait.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

"The dreams you plan really can come true."


 Isn't that Peter Pan adorable? I love how he stays in character it makes me so happy! I would totally give him a hug, haha. It makes me giddy every time I watch that video!

I am so excited.

I've been watching old Disney classic video clips like: Peter Pan, Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty. Oh man, it's so heartwarming and sweet. And you know, I don't ever want to grow up, mindset wise, and I don't think that's a bad thing.

Siiiigh, school starts today! Yes, I have school in about 12 hours but I have to be there at 8:30 a.m. so I'll probably just chill for a couple of hours. I'm kind of excited.. but not excited about the work. I mean, who is? Though I shouldn't complain, I'm only taking one class: Physiology. Haha. I'm applying for Nursing School next semester, I'm kinda nervous. I need to take my Hessi exam and score super amazing on it. I don't know what I'll do if I'm delayed another semester.

But I learned in church, I need to give it all to God. He has a plan for us and if I would just stop trying to control everything He has a big plan for me. His plans are far greater than what I can or would even think about doing. I've just been so worried the past couple of years about the future and what it'll bring.. but I just need to give it to God and trust in Him more. I need to hide His word in my heart. He is stronger than anyother and I need to keep His praise on my lips.

I am so blessed! I love all you guys! :D thank you for supporting me! Goodness, you just don't know! My friends mean so much to me, they're like brothers and sisters. I love y'all. Be safe and have a wonderful day!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Last day of summer.

Today is the official last day of summer, the public schools go back to school tomorrow. At least  Piedmont does, haha. I am totally gonna party tomorrow and Friday and Saturday and Sunday! Then it's school Monday oh man. Almost done though, almost done.

I got my Yuna necklace Monday! Haha! It was so exciting! "Only one thing can come from Hong Kong!" Bwhaha, Cheryl you are so right! We had a super awesome fun time Monday too. Cheryl, the kids, and I swam for a bit (until it started lightening) and made a whirlpool. :D

I had a weird dream. Probably because I slept on a mattress on the floor (it was a baby mattress) and a small blanket.... but I think it was like Halloween or some sort of festival in Piedmont. They had Piedmont rd closed and you could walk up and down it, there were booths on either side. I was wearing someone's letterman football jacket and I was sad. I was walking with a girl and a guy. Hahaha, the guy I was walking with was Finn off of Glee which I haven't watched in forever. Anyway, I remember throwing the jacket I was wearing at some guy that I guess I had been dating. I was so sad about it, I don't know if he did anything to me or not. But the Finn guy was making me feel better. It was funny. Weird dream mannnn weird dream. Haha. 

Lord give the me opportunity to spread and share your love. Perform your "surgeries" on my mouth, heart, eyes, and arms and that I may use them as tools for you. Thank you for your blessings and miracles you've done in my life.

Well it's off to work I go! Have a good day y'all!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

If you saw them would you even care?

She is Yuna D:
*Determined to be a good Yuna*
And I love her hair! GASP! Haha.

(Yeah I accidentally posted this on my other blog, sorrrrrreh XD )

Today has been crazy. I've been up at work picking up broken tree limbs, sheet metal, boarding up broken windows, picking up broken glass all from that storm yesterday night. Which, by the way, was super freaky. I was outside when it came through, we didn't get the severe winds, but it was hazy and red and smelled like smoke. I was convinced that something was going to happen like a hoard of zombies or the end of the world. Just saying. I was up at the daycare from 7:30 to 12. They just now got electricity in Piedmont not too long ago.. I think around 9ish p.m.? Crazy.

We went to Gatti-Town, where Incredible Pizza use to be. Ehhh, it was alright. It didn't really change all that much and I think the pizza was worse... but I had a blast with my family! It was really fun. We haven't really had the time/money to do a huge family vacation like we use to do all the time, and since the kids are just now getting older and what not. I think my parents had an awesome time too. Me and Ariana won the go kart races, cause we're awesome. Haha. Just an awesome blessed evening out. Most def.

There is a martial arts class at school that I'm thinking about taking this coming semester. I've done pretty poor on my weight loss, not really watching all that I eat. I've been super lazy and I'm not gonna blame in on anything but myself. I let myself talk myself into things like, "If you eat this now, just work it off later" knowing full well that I won't and eat it anyway. I need to quit listening to myself. Er. Though I'm not really gonna complain, I've had an awesome summer self confidence-wise. I've never felt as confident as I have in a bathing suit this summer, which is a plus. I'm wearing size 8 pants in womens and an 11 in juniors. I'm super happy. I just want to continue. I haven't reached my goal yet, but I'm gonna get there.

Plans for tomorrow.. well it seems that I have a hold on my transcript? And I also can't enroll into classes? Uhhhhh, it's not telling me why either. Lame! Better go check my school email.. and since I don't have to work, looks like that's what I'll be taking care of tomorrow. -rolls eyes- I hate dealing with this kind of business with school, they're always so rude about it or anything. Especially if it has to do with money... greedy people.

Yeah I'm totally gonna be June, someday... like maybe next year! :D Or Izumicon!? Rofl, I dunno yet if I wanna do a new cosplay. I don't know if I'll have time.... but she isn't that hard, I don't think she will be. Hmph. Any ideas? 


Friday, August 5, 2011

"I love you."

Well I beat Final Fantasy X the other day. I cried. I cried like a girl... wait. Haha. It was so good. So good. I recommend this video game for sure. But you know what else? It really inspired me to draw in the first place, so I've been drawing like crazy! And here's a sample of my work(s) in progress. I know they're not perfect and I'm working my hardest to make it better.

And if you liked that! You should check out my other art/blog! At this address:

I've also decided that I'm going GOING to cosplay Yuna (FFX version) next year. It's going to be my goal. I'm going to grow out my hair and not dye it (for a while), work harder loosing weight and stay encouraged, and I'm going to make my dream come true! Ever since this stinkin' video game came out I've always wanted to be Yuna. So to kick off this goal... I bought her necklace off of ebay :D I thought that would make me work harder. I know, making this is going to be super hard, but I have over a year of planning! lol

So, I get the day off early, what do I do with it?

I tie t-shirts around myself and prance around in a skirt pretending to be Yuna. I'ma goober, I know. But if I was any different I wouldn't be me. I use to do this a lot actually... put things together to sort of have a costume. XD I use to do this A LOT! I have some pictures somewhere in the catacombs... they're kinda embarrassing though.

OKAY, other news that doesn't have to do with Final Fantasy/Cosplay/Yuna/Anime, I got burned again today. I'm so excited. I am determined to get a nice tan before the winter season comes. It's almost even too. Oooo, and last thursday I did a front flip off the diving board! I was so proud of myself, it was a good one too! I'm also excited about TAX FREE WEEKEND! I really want to go checkout that new outlet mall.. but I'll probably do that when it's not so wild and crazy over there. I heard people were parking up on sidewalks, in the grass, anywhere they could get their car to fit. Insane.

Speaking of insane, I went to go get my mom an icee from 7-11. I was checking out/standing in line when I over hear a conversation between the cashier guy and some lady. She starts chewing him out over someone at 7-11 selling red bull to her 13 yr old son at midnight. This is what she said, "My son came up here late last night and someone sold him a red bull. I do not want him drinking that. Why are you guys selling it to young children? They snuck out of the house, came up here, and bought tons of red bull at midnight." I really wanted to say... Well lady #1, why aren't you watching your children? It's your fault they snuck out of the house #2 there's no age limit on energy drinks. It's not like you have to be 21 to buy one. #3 if you don't want your child drinking energy drinks that's between you and him/her. Not this poor cashier guy. Leave him alone. She was very rude about it to.

Anywhooooo.... I hope you guys have a lovely weekend! School, fall, Izumicon, Avatar Olympics, are all almost here! Yess! I'm so excited! :D