Monday, November 28, 2011

And you have my bow :3

Sorry, I was just being swallowed by a huge dark pit the other day. It seemed like when you swim out to far at the ocean or a lake, and you get tired and you're trying to keep your head up. Then you're trying to fight the waves your thinking all you want to do is give up but you know if you do you'll just sink and go under. Your lungs, arms, and legs are burning and there seems to be no life raft around. Such imagery. I suppose finals can do that to a person. But your comments really cheered me up. You know it's not too late. I have a high C/low B in this class, that's not with the lab portion put into it. I also have a paper due and the lab final/lec final. If I apply myself, I could pull out of this class with a B. I think I could do that. After this semester I think I'm going to go to my counsler and ask what she thinks would be the best option. My mom said I really need to ask myself is this what I want to do:

Yes. Sometimes I can't stand the blood... it does freak me out a bit. But I can handle it. I really think I should be helping someone. I love to give and if I could change someone's life, even in the littlest way, that would be amazing. I know I need a better relationship with God, honestly I've been thinking about Vic and how he was saying "I don't even know you." I've been really thinking about that, do I have a relationship like that with God. I want to better my relationship, I really do. And share that with others through my work. Even if I could just spread the love of God with a touch, a smile.

I know, by any means, I'm not the best student. I hardly crack books (which is probably my greatest down fall), I hate reading text books (yet again) but I love this material. I do like learning about it. But you know, three more weeks till finals. That's 21 days to prep myself to freakin' own this test. I'm going to have to break myself down, tear myself a part, and get on it. I've been thinking about deleting my facebook. I mean besides talking to all you guys, there really isn't anything there for me. It just takes up too much of my time.. You know? I might just step away for a while.

I also need to step back up and hop aboard the fitness train. XP Even though it's getting colder outside, I need to add exercising back to my routine. And uh! I just love the winter. I'm so glad it's almost December. I love December. lol

I watched Lord of the Rings Return of the King last night while I was babysitting, mmmm I love Orlando Bloom. But you know, most of the guys in those movies are pretty darn good looking. lol I don't know, there's just something about blonde, elfen guys who can shoot a bow <3 ROFL

I'm about to photo bomb you, but I just kept on finding such good pictures >.< Thank you guys for being awesome amazing friends who truley care about me. I can seriously call you gals my best friends, and I really haven't been able to say that about anyone else. Love you!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Feel the heat.

Just what I needed to see. A bunch of skinny awesome asian dancers right after I have stuffed my face for the past two days... I wanna join a boot camp or something. XD

Hahaha, I've been super stressed it hit me last night. My final is speeding closer to me and I really don't know much. I mean it's the same material I know the basics, but I mean with these take home tests it's not like you learn too much. Take home tests are like a huge worksheet. I'm also just super stressed because it's like even if I make an A my gpa will be 2.49 and not a 2.5 like I need. I just wanna quit. I wish I could start all over... I've been thinking about going through the CNA program, seeing if that will boost my grades... or maybe even taking Physiology and Anatomy (AGAIN) next semester. >.> I'd probably be killing myself, slowly. I hate myself because I don't crack books, it's a horrible habit I have. I've had it from high school because they DO NOT prepare you for college like they say they're suppose to. If I do choose to take courses next semester I think they'll be night time classes. I just want to break down and cry. I feel like such a failure and I feel  like I don't have anywhere to go. It's a big ball of stress and failure just inside of me and I can't let it go. Uhhhhhhhhgh.

If I were to take any classes over again, it'd have to be A&P, because I just couldn't do Micro again, blehh. And I already have all the books, I really need to talk to my counselor.

I still have a paper to write, but I think I'll do that later this coming week while I'm school having nothing to do. XP OH and the picture of the white horse totally looks like mine! <3

Will you think little of me if I do repeat? Does it make me stupider if I do retake Anatomy for the fourth time? Physio the second? I'm also worried that if I do, what will ppl at work say. I already said that I could work full time, but now everything might change. I'm worried that they'll hate me. I'm worried that my parents/friends will think I'm a failure. Why can't I just do it right the first time? I do feel like a failure. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

Thanksgiving Break!

Has officially started for me, about an hour ago. I really didn't have to come to class today but we just had to turn in our test, which is pretty important.. haha! I feel so, freeeee! Even though I have a lot of responsibilities over the break >.>

Monday: leave Seavey's at 7 a.m., Turn in test, get laundry done, clean kitchen
Tuesday: Work 7-8, clean house (all day thing), work 3-6, then watch Greyson till 7 a.m.
Wednesday: Leave Seavey's at 7 a.m., work 8a.m. - 6 p.m., watch Greyson till 7 a.m.
Thursday: leave Seavey's at 7 a.m., THANKSGIVING! >.<
Friday: BREAK! *start paper if I feel like it rofl it's due Dec. 7th*
Saturday: Chill.
Sunday: Church and chill, watch Greyson till 7 a.m.

Then my week starts all over again! I'm working a lot... which is exciting, well the paycheck is going to be. Which is awesome! Because I have to start buying for my "angel tree" gals. We have an "angel tree" at church and it's for families/kids/teens in the area who need things for Christmas. So I picked out this 17 yr old girl and a 16 yr old girl. Both of them need winter coats and clothes, so I was thinking about going to Old Navy *black friday* for their $25 peacoats. Then I'll probably spoil these girls with some bath and body works, makeup, and well girl stuff. >.< And I think I want a peacoat too lol.

I wish there was a place on this campus that was comfy, warm, and would let you eat food at the same time. Like there's a place beneath the library with couches and tables but they won't let you eat food there. You're not suppose to at least.. but I'm a good girl and I'm not. Yet. These m&m's are calling my name! >:D

School is depressing. Sometimes I just want to be a homemaker. But I can get through this, I need to work harder. I had a really awesome dream last night, I can't really remember it. There were lots of bright colors and a good looking guy. Sometimes I just wish I could wake up and be in a fairytale. XP Silly I know, I just wish everything would go perfectly.

Speaking of fairytales and weddings (Cheryl lol) I want a fairytale wedding. I've been planning my wedding ever since, forever! It's going to truly be magical. And thinking about it, I want to get married in December. December is so magical. The air in December smells magical and full of love. People are happier and caring in December. I'd love to have it outside (crazy I know) with the snow falling. I know that'd probably not happen, but uhhh. Beautiful. All red nosed and serve hot cocoa! >.< And while I was looking up bachorlette ideas for you Cheryl, many people suggested tea parties. I'd totally have a party in a french garden, elegant and everything. I have big dreams... haha! Magical dreams.

A lot of rambling, sorry I know! So in other words, HAVE AN AWESOME THANKSGIVING! Love you guys <3

Friday, November 18, 2011

I need another story.

Things to get done before Monday:
Huge 100 question Test.

*dead* I work Sunday night at Dr. Seavey's, school Monday, clean all Tuesday in between work, work at Dr. Seavey's Tuesday night, work all day Wednesday at the daycare, go back over to Dr. Seavey's for Wed night, then Thanksgiving! Then I have a paper I have to work on.. >.> Four more weeks, just four more weeks.

I need to do something : /

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

ABC, it's as easy as, 1-2-3.

1. A is for age: 21yrs old 2. B is for beer beverage of choice: Orange & Mangosteen Honest Tea(s)
3. C is for what you can't wait for right now: I'm getting pumped for this Friday!
4. D is for your dog's name: Lucy, Pheobe, Weenie, Blue, and Rusty
5. E is for essential item you use everyday: A hairbrush ;D
6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment: Adventure Time
7. G is for favorite game: Majhong (sp?)
8. H is for Home town: I grew up in Bethany?
9. I is for instruments you play: Clarinet! lol
10. J is for favorite juice: I'm not much of a juice person...
11. K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: Yours, at a nice game of chess. Haha.
12. L is for last food you ate: Soft taco.
13. M is for marriage: I'm not?
14. N is for your name: Mattie!
15. O is for overnight hospital stays: Scary O.O
16. P is for people you can't live without: My family and friends. >.<
17. Q is for quote: "DO YOU SEE MY EYEBROWS?" rofl
18. R is for Biggest Regret: Giving in so quickly.
19. S is for status: On facebook "School D:"
20. T is for time you woke up today: 6:45 a.m.
21. U is for underwear you have on now: Yes.
22. V is for vegetable you love: Cucumbers.
23. W is for worst habit: Nail biting on and off.
24. X is for x-rays you've had: On my stomach! and my foot.
25. Y is for yummy food you ate today? I want sushi.
26. Z is for the zodiac sign: I think I'm a gemini.

Izumicon has came and gone, just as quickly as this semester. We (I) seriously only have like four more weeks left! O.O It's kinda of exciting but super stressful. I have a B in the class but I'm super stressed over the final, I need to get the knowledge in my head! And need it to stick! I have a take home test this weekend and a paper to write over Thanksgiving break! I can do this! Need an A, that would be great.

A2F (Arkansas Anime Festival) is Dec 2nd-4th, but I only wanna go the 3rd. I'm uber excited bout that and am totally looking forward to it.