Monday, August 27, 2012

New day.

The sun was still nestled behind the horizon, I secretly wished it would stay there so I could lie here a little more longer. I kept my eyes closed and watched my dreams waltz around me. In this moment I was warm, safe, content. I could smell breakfast wafting up from underneath the door frame. I took a deep breath in. But..... I felt like something was burning on the left side of my face....  I giggled and opened my eyes as I turned my head sharply. My sister, Meghan, lay there staring right into my eyes. Her long, dark brown, curly hair flowed around her face and danced quietly on the pillow underneath her. In that moment we both laughed, over what, who knows.

Though this caused our youngest sister to throw us both out of the bed. "It's bad enough I have to share a room with you two, but a bed is too much. I wish you two could sleep out in the stables..." she muttered on and rolled over covering her head with her hands. We watched her as she didn't move again, today was going to be a long day. I sat there quietly on the cool unforgiving wood floor. I felt a hand touch my shoulder.. "Everything's going to be alright." Meg whispered into my ear. I had got so lost in thought that my face turned sad. I didn't want her to worry so I smiled again, "It is, isn't it?" We helped each other back onto our feet, it was almost like a mirror, her and I. Though Meg is a bit taller and her hair is much darker we have much of the same facial features. I, however, got our father's auburn hair and our mother's short height. Both of our hair was a huge curly mess that consumed our faces.

"Girls, hurry up!" A shrill voice echoed from the other room. Three sighs slipped out of our mouths. Time to start the day. "Onna you better get a move on, the sun is going to rise." I patted the last sister still in bed. I walked over to our small dresser in our small room and pulled out my favorite blue dress. Meg had sat down in front of the mirror and started to tame her mane. Onna was sitting up in bed as she read a few pages out of her book. As I finished pulling the navy blue dress over my head, I took in my, perhaps, last memories of this. Our room was small, but cozy. There are two windows covered in creme lace that face the pond outside. A few paintings hung on the walls, done by another sister. The walls were red and trimmed in brown wood. A beautiful carpet lay in the middle of the floor. Onna was folding our quilts one by one.. why must growing up be so difficult.

"Girls, we're waiting on you!" The second alarm made our trio jump. I quickly threw my hair into a bun as I helped lace up Onna's forest green dress. Meg was finished and on her way out, I pushed Onna out of the door, looking back to make sure everything was in order, I closed the door. Behind my other two sisters, I made my way down the dark hallway and towards the light, the warm smells. After our eyes adjusted to the light we were greeted by our mother, eldest brother, and other two sisters. We each grabbed a plate and sat down in our routine place, starting idol chit chat.

Once we were in our places, our mother raised her hands to quiet us. "Now that we are all gathered. I need to announce some things." We were all at the table, in our dining room... with the fire place roaring. The whole room was done in very earthy tones. Very warm. I stopped everything I was doing, dropped my fork and stared at my mother. "I invited Davin over for breakfast... but Emily could not attend. The baby is sick." Our brother nodded, "The doctor said it wasn't serious." I could tell he was keeping some information away from us all. "Yes, well we do wish them both well. More importantly, we need to discuss the heir situation." She stopped to take a breath. Really? Now? Was Davin going to kick us out... that was the rumor ever since father died months ago. The five of us girls turned from Davin and back to our mother and back to Davin.

"Davin, you are kicking your own family out of their only home?" The eldest sister rose out of her seat. Her light brown hair was done perfectly. A strand, curled, fell down her shoulder and rested on her collar bone. Her skin was fair and her eyes piercing. The light blue dress she wore draped over her and flowed as she took her stance. "Cheryl, that is no way to speak to your brother." The mother sounded weak, wounded. Cheryl looked at her mother, confused, she slowly sunk back into her chair. "Aunt Rose is going to let us live with her in London for the time being. Girls after breakfast we need to get packed and get going." She left the room, at this point in tears. No one said a word. The crackling of the fire filled up the empty space. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I did not dare to look around at the others... that would only cause me to cry more. Ever since father's illness, Davin had been acting strangely... I had hoped it wasn't true..

I didn't want to finish breakfast. I closed my eyes as Meg and Onna, the two I was sitting closest to, held each of my hands and I theirs. The table rattled as someone jumped out of their seat, "If anyone, why would you do this to mum? After all she has gone through, after all she has done for you and Emily." The new voice sounded like it was pacing. I opened my eyes in time to see our second eldest sister, Sable, exit the room after mum. Her dark auburn hair billowed in the wind created by the opening door, her brown dress followed the same motion as she exited. One by one we all left, not even touching the breakfast laid down before us. Not too long, it was just Davin, Cheryl, and I. I stared into my hands. I wanted so much to stand up to him like my other sisters, but I was too afraid. What could I say, the second to youngest, that would make him change his mind? I felt like most of my siblings and mother tried to ignore me most of the time... I was the one who looked mostly like our father. I was a reminder. I slowly got up from our, once happy family, table. I turned before heading out.. "Davin, whatever you do, please don't sell our home." Tears began to fall, pour, down my face as I ran out the front door.

The sun was just beginning to peak its head over the horizon. The fog was thick on the ground. It smelled damp and like dirt. Steam was rising off of the pond and the roosters were crowing. Announcing the dawn of the new day... rather announcing a dawn of a new life. Starting all over in London.

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More to come ;D
Totally our mum is the same one from Pride and Prejudice and funny how it turned out to be the same amount of daughters :3 

Sunday, August 26, 2012


Pouring all day long. It never seems to cease. Curled up in a blanket watching movies as the smells of fall surround me. But I ripped myself away and volunteered to take the dogs out. Into the rain. Into the cold.

I threw on my teal rain jacket over my Adventure Time t-shirt and quickly stuffed my knee high red and heart socks into black and white striped rain boots. I knew I was styling. Rain boots and shorts are always the go to look, I laughed to myself.

The dogs already know this routine. First out of the front door, down the drive way, up the path, and into the forest. All I really need to do is hold the leash. I zipped up my jacket and prepared for the outdoors. I turned the red door's lock, opened it, turned the next door handle on the glass door, as the dogs ran ahead of me going out... I finally stepped out.

It's really quite, unlike any other day, no one was out. Only few cars sped by as we made our way down the sidewalk. There was a couple who walked opposite of us with their dogs. Mine started barking at them, "Sorry." I smiled and waved. They probably think I look as crazy as the dogs did, cone and all. I can't wait till she gets her cone off.

Someone had cut their lawn recently, it seems, all the grass cuttings were blown onto the sidewalk getting all over the dogs and I. Definitely will need a towel before going inside. I sighed to myself. I also got kind of out of breath as I made my way up the steep pathway that winds into the trees.

The dogs were off. They usually smell for the deer or rabbits that go through there. I found myself I small branch that hung over head. I know I'm wearing a rain jacket, but I still wanted more shelter from the rain. While the dogs did their business I took in my surroundings. This place is beautiful.

It smelled of dirt and ceder and pine. Everything around me is green. Alive and growing. The leaves seemed like they were dancing in the rain while their roots were drinking every drop. The flowers opened even wider to accept every blessing from the sky. As I scanned this small forest I noticed something I really never saw before. A small thicket.

I walked closer to it... It maybe was a tree covered in vines upon vines. But underneath it all it formed an umbrella, a small shelter. I, of course, was curious. Do I dare even try to go in? What if I end up falling, on my face, how would I explain that. I examined the opening closer... thorns. Yikes. What could be living in there.. probably like snakes and spiders. Hmm. What would I do with the dogs?

I was brought out of my daydreaming by their shrill barks. "I know, I know..." I started to walk back... glancing over my shoulder at the mysterious thicket. I started down the path when I thought to myself.. why not? What's it going to hurt? I hurried back up the pathway. Excited. I tied the dogs to a sturdy tree, pulled on the leash to make sure it wouldn't come un-done, perfect.

The rain had not let up and it didn't seem like it was going to. I was going to take my chances. I pushed aside a branch of bright greens leaves and with my other hand I grabbed a hold of a brown branch. I stepped on the thorns that tried to jump out and bite me, but not today. I smiled to myself... but next was the tricky part. Getting past all of the branch like vines. I started to snap them apart, one by one, stepping over them. Their cries echoed within the umbrella like space. I looked back and the dogs were right where I left them. Awesome. I could keep going.

One branch after another grabbed onto my clothing trying to keep me from discovering something, but what? As I tore the limbs out of my way, I noticed... them snapping back in place behind me. How could this..... I started to panic. I couldn't see the dogs anymore or hear the rain. The concrete path back to home, back to my safe place was gone. I stood in an in between place... I tried the break the branches that lead me back... but they it was like they were made of steel.

I tear of frustration escaped from the corner of my eye. Maybe I could break out of the other side, yes, that was it. I pushed forward, angry at this horrible tree. Angry at myself for being adventurous. I couldn't turn back now, literally.

The small tunnel of vines led me to the center of the thicket. An old tree stood in the middle. From the trunk of the tree spread it's branches out which formed the umbrella. From the outside it seemed not so far away but as I look back now, it took me forever to get here... the outside hidden away by green growth. It was warm... and no sign on rain. I peeled my rain coat off and threw it aside. I saw an opening on the other side... Yes! Hopefully the dogs haven't gotten of their leashes.. I made my way across the small shelter when I stopped. Something had caught my eye... a gleaming from inside the tree.

I cautiously walked to it.. should I put my hand in the hole? All I could think of were spiders or snakes. A bird from above squawked loudly.. I pulled my hand back and took my surroundings in. I searched for any dangers that could present themselves. All went silent.. it was just me and this trunk surrounded by branches and vines. I quickly shoved my hand in and out of the hole. My hand held something cold and hard, yet small.

A fierce gust of wind quickly blew right through the opening, knocking me into a wall of the thicket. I kept my hand held tightly as I hurried myself to the opening. The sun shown through it inviting me out of this damp place. As I stepped through the tunnel of snapping branches, I started to feel, odd. I peeled the vines out of my way and stepped onto the green grass. But where was the path?

Trees encompassed me everywhere... the dogs were gone, but even so were the houses. I turned to go back into the hole I came out of, but the whole thicket was gone. Where was I? My hand was clenched tightly to the item I pulled out of the tree... I was shocked by everything that I almost forgot. I slowly opened my hand to a gold heart shaped locket however it wouldn't open. I pried with my nails only to break my thumb nail. I shoved it into my pocket.

Maybe I was imaging things, maybe I just happened onto another part of this housing edition. Yeah, yeah an undeveloped part. I mean there are plenty of parks around here, those wildlife protection things. I headed out of the grass and not even within five minutes found a small dirt trail. I knew it. I wasn't lost. I'm sure the thicket just lead me to the other side and if I turn around the corner there would be the dogs and my way back home.

I stopped though. I took in this beautiful nature... flowers and their bright colors, trees that touched the heavens, and the larger butterflies that danced around it all. I smiled to myself. I continued to walk down the path when I began to hear noise and talking. I had made it back finally! I turned the corner only to be met face to face with a horse and blackness...

Surrounded in darkness. I can't remember a thing.. where am I?

I woke up suddenly remembering I had left the dogs tied to a tree. I sat up... where was I? It was a simple creme room, with a bed and a nightstand, one window. Did I fall? Did someone bring me back home? Was I home? I took off the warm blankets and sat my feet on the cold hardwood flooring. Why am I in a nightgown... I don't own one of these... Is this a sick joke. My stomach is reeling from the pain of my legs I as put pressure on them with each step. I stopped as I felt weight on my chest. The locket. Someone had put the locket on me. I peeked out of the door. The house was dark... I couldn't tell where I was. I was frightened. I stepped back to shut the door when the floor board creaked. I threw my hands over my mouth before I could let a gasp out.

In the next room over I heard some movement. I flew in between the wall and the bed as the door slowly opened. I couldn't tell who or what was coming in, but they held a candle as they did so. "Mattie are you awake?" I didn't recognize the voice... it had an accent to it. No one I knew. I didn't move a muscle or took a breath. The flickering flame came closer.. what should I do? I felt so stupid.. what if it was just one of them checking on me. I was frozen in my place. "Is she awake?" A more frantic delicate voice echoed in the darkness. This one was soft, and sing song like... It came towards the bed.. I could feel her pat the bed frantically.

"She's gone... she's gone. Not after she came back to us. We have to find her."

"Honey, are you sure she's not in bed? Mattie, dear......"

Why were they so worried? How did they know my name... Just then the flame was hovering over my head. I saw the eyes of two people I have never met in my life. A woman with graying brown hair that was kept up in a white bonnet, wearing a white nightgown covered up by a blue wrap, who had sad green eyes accompanied by an older gentleman wearing a brown long sleeve shirt and brown pants, though he had hazel eyes but held a sigh of relief.

This woman's hands reached for me. I did not understand... all I felt was pain. My legs grinded and sent pain up into my core. I screamed from the pain. What was happening to me? I cried out for my mom, she would know what to do, she's a nurse. The woman looked at me, sorrow across her face.

"I am your mother."

I stared back into her eyes. No she's not... the sun began to rise, it's oranges and yellows danced across the room. A tear ran down her cheek and feel onto the cotton fabrics. "I'll send for the doctor." She left the room as she forced the words out of her mouth. Crying from the pain that never seemed to stop, the man sat in the chair rubbing his head. I managed to form a sentence in my head and let it out.

"Where am I and who are you?"

The man looked up. He looked tired... like he hasn't slept in years. He smiled before he started talking. "Your name is Mattie. You are twenty two years old. You live in the state of Maryland." Yes all of this is true for the most part, I sighed... but then he said, "the year is 1902, you were in an accident four months ago, it knocked you out. Most doctors wouldn't see you... but we knew you were still alive. Your mom, brothers, sisters, and I knew you'd pull through..." by this time tears were welling up in his eyes.. "and look here you did." I didn't know what to think... nice prank right? Where are the cameras? Who hired you? Ha.

The doctor came in.. and at this moment I could tell I wasn't in 2012. He was dressed in a suit and carried a brief case. He opened it and took out many tools. He asked me to open my mouth, he looked into my ears, and into my nose. I knew I starred at him like he was crazy because he gave me a weird look. "Her legs are still broken, it would probably be best if you moved her downstairs. Fresh air and rest will do her some good." He leaned into the woman and whispered something.. something that mad her grin ear to ear. She called two names I did not recognize, and after all the poking and proding, my head felt fuzzy. Two boys, a younger and older, came up. Between the two boys who joined us, the older man, and the doctor, they carried me downstairs into a well lit room. It was yellow and had a chair that faced the window that was lined in lace. They sat me down in it, propped my feet up, and handed me a cup of tea. The older gentleman that claims to be my father opened a window and the sweet breeze of the morning flooded in. I closed my eyes. What do I do? I can barely move... should I just see what unfolds?

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What sums up my day:
- Pumpkin candycorn
- Fall smells
- Cardigans
- Rainy days
- Hot cocoa / chai tea latte
- good romantic movies 
- warmth

 Yesterday I got sick. I think it's from what I ate at Cheesecake Factory. I threw up everything! I had a migraine on top of that. Before I got sick though, we went to the National Science and History museum and it was pretty cool. I've been once before a long time ago but I enjoyed it a lot. I got some pictures that I'll have to post to facebook eventually.

Today I went grocery shopping with Michelle. You would not BELIEVE how huge this store is. Like, huge. Like two stories huge. It's amazing. I wish we had one back on in Oklahoma City. Anyway, then we went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond she needed to get a couple of things but then we found the candle section. And they had fall candles out. Yankee Candles. So we chose one that is called "Farmers Market" and it smells like pumpkin spice, with a hint of apples. It smells like fall. I love it! Then I got to try a chai tea latte. YUMMMMM! It rained all day long too. So most of the day I lounged around and watched movies. I saw Julie&Julia, that was a good movie. And it also made me think, even when we are all married we have to have dinner parties with each other. Meghan, Cheryl, Sable, and I. WE. HAVE. TO. Like each couple would host one night, then the next, and so on. It is set in stone.

I was thinking today. I think next cosplay season will be my last. I really need to focus on life more. It's fun and I love the experiences. But I think it's time for me to seriously focus on my future and grow more. I know I could do both... but I just think about all the money I have put out for everything cosplay related and think.... I could have bought a car or possibly moved out already. I don't know, I guess I'll see where life takes me, but I don't think I see myself cosplaying much longer.

I miss EVERYONE. Mucho :(

I love you all, sweet dreams.

Friday, August 24, 2012

My heart is breaking.


My emotions right now can be explained by a few words: hot men, cotton candy, holding hands, butterflies in stomach, girlie, silly.

I don't know the whole story but here it goes. Story version: the guy who acts as Peter Pan at Disney Land met the girl who acts as Wendy/Alice. Well they got married. IT IS SOOOOO CUTE! I was creeping/stalking them on the internet and found pics and stuff. Ohmaigawsh, I squealed and giggled and did all those girl things. It gives me hope though. Why? Because girls:


And although waiting sucks.... I should know. All I have to do is wait for the right guy. But in the mean time I need to make myself better for that person because I know he's doing the same for me.

Next weekend we're going to New Hampshire to see John's parents... well so Greyson (the baby) and see his grandparents. His Nana is like eighty four or so and she has heart problems. So they really wanted her be able to see him. I'm excited, I mean I'm not related and don't know anyone, haha, Michelle asked if I wanted to go or stay here. I mean I have nothing else better to do and who knows if I'll ever come back to the east coast in my lifetime, why not!

Tomorrow I really want to go look at some vintage shops. It's like my day off and what not. And I think that's what I'ma do. Right after I find out where the mailbox is. I need to mail off mai letters ;D

I was walking the dogs today on one of the trails and this teenage couple was walking together and OF COURSE the dogs start barking at them and I was like "Sorry, heh". They really kind of started at me and the girl was like "Oh my god." I felt really judged... I was in black stretch pants, big tee, and my hair was pulled back. It made me feel really self conscious. Why are people rude?

I miss you guys so much, like you don't even know it. I don't feel like I really have anyone here to talk to.. I mean, I don't. Sometimes when I'm talking to Michelle, I feel like she isn't really listening. It makes me sad. And being here with TWO DOCTORS makes me feel stupid. I wish I had someone here with me :/

 Peter and Wendy's wedding :')

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

So, come with me...

"where dreams are born and time is never planned. Just think of happy things and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Neverland."

Every time I go on one of the hiking trails, with all the trees, I always think of Sleeping Beauty and the "once upon a dream" scene where she's singing with all of the animals. Plus I just love that outfit! :3

I've been totally into a daydreamy/fairytale like state. I blame polyvore, trees, and Disney. Seriously though. I really wish I had my dvds so I could watch some classic princess movies. XP

Or Peter Pan, I love Peter Pan.

I still need to check into the Midnight in Paris movie. I think I shall do so once I get finished typing this out... alright don't hate me, but. I won't be able to make it to Izumicon. Michelle has her best friend's wedding to go to that weekend. I was kind of upset at first... but you know what I think I need a break from cosplay and conventions. AND I don't even have a sewing machine up here. So it works out. Everything happens for a reason but honestly it's good that I'm not going. My priorities have been so out of wack, I was spending so much time and money on them and not giving anything to God. I need to re focus.

My goals while I'm away:
1. Walk on the straight and narrow/build a better relationship with God.
2. Make an A in Geography
3. Get in shape/healthy/better eating habits
4. Find myself

Tomorrow I'm going to go to a huge grocery store. Can't wait!! They said it's suppose to have all different kinds of things in it... it's hard to explain. BUT they have an Asian center where they'll make sushi right in front of you with fresh ingredients. YUMMMM!

Then I think this weekend we're going to Baltimore, I'm stoked.

Love you all! Goodnight! ;D

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Did you forget that I was even alive?

"Did you forget? Did you forget? About me..."

It's a song by Demi Lovato! I'm not being super emo or anything. I had a wonderful, long, day today! This video though, you must watch. OHMAIGAWSH. Sums up kind of how I feel. Lemme break things down.

Episode 4

Everyone's reaction about Asami: *massive uproar*
Mine: O.O yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
Everyone's reaction about Masami: *flips tables*
Mine: Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeee.

Episode 5

Everyone's Masami reaction: She's evil, she's playing him. She's an equalist. Blah blah blah *rage*
Mine: D'aw :')

Everyone's Makorra reaction: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Mine: Wait, what? ......

Everyone's Makorra Kiss reaction: *flips tables and squeals*
Mine: Wait... WHAT?!

Episode 6-12
 My Makorra/Masami reactions:      >.>

Jaded... dun dun dun. I still feel very bitter and I am quick to defend Asami and bash Mako. I know I know time restricted them to do anything and the fact it was suppose to be a "mini series." But I just don't understand! People. And fans! WHYYYYYY?! *rages*

All I'm saying... is that Asami better get some justice. People were saying Asami was bad and evil and was playing them but all I see is THEM being the "evil" ones and "playing" her. Bam.

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So I'm taking Geography this semester, whoop whoop. The professor gave us a lot of busy work XP Oh joy. But from the looks, so far, it looks easy peasy. I mean the final is an essay! SCORE! I ace papers ;D and I'm shooting for an A.

Today was a much better day. My phone worked pretty much all day! Which was nice since I was here at the house all day. Tomorrow I'm going to try and venture out a bit. I need to get a notebook to write notes down and what not.

Love you all! Miss you more than you know.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Would you do anything for me?

"I usually just hook the leash through the blue harness... because her collar won't fit over the cone." Hmmm, okay... just a bit more. Yes, I got it. I can do this. I could hear her voice echo from the other room as she had left. I was ready for this. I have the leash, the ridiculous dog with the huge cone on its head, and the plastic baggie to pick up poop. So tedious.

As I opened the red painted door I was greeted by the smell of pine trees which drew me even more outside. I felt ridiculous walking down the steps as the fluffy white cone head of a dog led me, almost had me going at a trot. I walked her across the drive way and down the side walk. It was the usual dreary day, cloudy with a chance of rain. But any chance of getting out of the house was a great for me, even if it meant taking the dog out to potty. We got to a three way intersection: a path right ahead that lead straight down the street, the path behind me that went back to the house, or another one that lead up a hill into some trees. Why not go on an adventure, but even before I had made my decision the dog took me trotting up the hill.

The trees were so tall... and the thicket so... well thick. It really makes me wonder what lives inside, if anything. I stopped waiting for the dog to finally use the restroom but it takes her forever. She tried to smell everything which is impossible because of the cone that acts like a force field to everything. At this moment in time it starts to rain, a sprinkle actually. I curse myself for wearing flip flops and hurry the dog up the path under the trees that form sort of an umbrella. Should I wait it out? It should pass right over... Wrong. It picked up and started coming through our shelter. I stood there for a moment mulling of the decision of going home or going further into the dark wooded area.

I headed further into the trees away from the rain. Away from the house. Away from the noise. Just me, the coned dog, and the lonely path. I stopped again to see if the dog would use the bathroom again... nothing. The clouds blocking out the rain made it darker, which under neath the trees caused it to be even darker. Should I turn back and start going home? Rumbles came from above and the smell of earth came from below. I pressed on.

Searching for anything, for something. What was I looking for? Childishly I was hoping to run into some other dog walker, preferably cute, tall, dark headed. The rain pounded harder as I pushed on down the path... and I saw some sort of a clearing ahead. How romantic and shojo-ish would it be if something magical happened. My heart was pounding from the excitement I had built in my head. My shirt was getting drenched as I stepped into the green field as the rain pounded on my shoulders. I stopped.

The dog finally use the bathroom. Just me and the coned dog.

I looked around for a second and turned around. At this point I started into a jog, my flip flops clacking against the concrete path all the way back to the house.

*true story*

I can't wait till sweater wearing weather or until my hair grows out. I miss my long hair. 


I'm stupid.

My phone doesn't work. AT ALL.

My jaw hurts so bad which is making my ear hurt. And it's a headache.

My professor hasn't posted anything online yet which is making me worry.

I just wanna go home.