Friday, November 30, 2012

Beware of r a n t i n g

I don't know what to say, my brain hurts. I have a lot to rant about.. /raiseseyebrows
But I don't feel like it? Buh.. but that video is super cute so you should watch it before I dive into my huge rant fest, that might take you a long time to read through.

Ready, set, GO!

- I guess when Rhiannon picked up Ambri from daycare P kind of jumped her about talking to me... like if she has spoken to me recently or not. I mean yes, I was talking to P and stuff.. about once a week. But geez, like I feel like I'm gonna get scolded or something. I mean I barely call my parents because I'm so exhausted at the end of the day.. I get my homework done and pass out. And I don't use my old phone, the battery died and I haven't recharged it... bet when I do plug it in I'll have a butt load of missed calls. But I know she's totally going to ask me about working Christmas break or working next Spring... I'm beginning to question relationships I have with other people, because I feel like I'm being used more often than not. 

- To stay or not to stay? I talked with my parents about it while I was there for Thanksgiving break, they said why not? That like four-ish months... the same amount of time I spent this past fall.. it went by pretty fast. And I'm getting paid.. that's more money for Nursing school. I just.. am torn.. and after a day like this *glares* it makes me question my sanity. Here's a rant within a rant:
            - this child is super whiny.. nap time is a time for people to regain sanity. It is essential. But when it's not there... one can tend to go off the deep end.
            - when you come home to your child, and your child wants you... don't nap on the couch and expect peace and quiet. Especially if your child is a whiny child..... >.>

These days are far between, but ohhhhhhhh. Like I can see the other side of child abuse. I'd never do it, that's not me and I love my babies.. but you know sometimes people can snap. Holy crap.

- Nursing school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Need I say more? I just wanna graduate already... if and when I get accepted in the fall 2013, it's two more years till I can graduate. Two more years till I can get a real job and move out. And finally grow up. D:

- I'm tired of my sister calling me and ranting about her life... her husband problems. I know that sounds a bit ironic, because I'm ranting right now.. and you guys are probably sick of hearing me rant, but it's like she never takes anyone's advice and some of it is her problem too. I.. I just don't wanna go into it.

- Brant, same as always, needs to grow up.


I feel like I have so much gray hair because of stress... and I eat cause I'm stressed. I know I do... when you're stressed you have that feeling, a weight, you feel like you're gonna fall off that cliff but you're right on the edge. So I try to fill that void with soda, and candy, and anything that tastes good. XP

I think I have decided to stay till next May. I mean it has many perks: great pay and they fly me back every month. I haven't told them yet... or anyone else. I think that's why P is gonna call me too, to see what's up working wise. I kind of have a pit in my stomach about that too... I know she wanted me to work during Christmas break.. but I'm just like ehh.... I told them I'd come back... but am I a horrible person for not wanting to? I probably will for the summer, just not a lot of hours... I can't do that again. I wanted to kill myself last summer. It was hell, seriously.

With that being said... I kind of want to go to Katsucon XP
And I've been thinking about re-doing Asami and Sophie for it... but who knows.

I haven't been thinking about working out or getting fit, but I'm going to... right now I just feel stressed with life and this stupid paper I have to write that I just wanna crawl in a hole, with sweatpants on, and hide from the world.


p.s. I totally know what I wanna do for my b-day / welcome home party >3

Monday, November 19, 2012

I belong with you, you belong with me.

This is one of my new favorite songs. I haven't checked out any of their others, but I really like the style of their music and their music video.

Guys, I'm in love with makeup. lol

I'm watching Bella and Thor, I mean, Snow White and the Huntsmen. Mmm, Chris Hemsworth is a beautiful man. Bwhaha, but I actually like this movie. I saw it in theaters and I thought it was quite good. I think the only reason why people bash it is because of Kristin Stewart, I mean, recast her part and people would probably review it differently. XP Have an open mind people, come on.

But I must admit, during Breaking Dawn I could help but think about how she cheated on Robert Pattinson, how sad :( and what's even sadder is that I kept up with that whole story. I am lame and pathetic. What can I say.

I had to write a paper over Islam, Judaism, Muslim, Christianity, and Buddhism. What a boring and blahhh paper... I had to research facts like: when was it founded? who founded it? how many people practice it? And the worse of them all: How does its faith affect the environment? WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? Like, I just had to make something up.. I was so unmotivated. XP But you know what.. it's like people took Christianity and changed things, in some cases declared they were "god", and called it good... I'm like, WHAT?

Also had to write a short story over a series called "Planet in Peril" which is basically about animal trafficking, global warming, humans treating the Earth badly, yada yada yada. Is it bad that I don't really care all about that stuff either? I mean, like... so? People were saying "Ahhh, taking the animals away from their environment will make them become endangered and will hurt the environment, and soon effect humans." I'm like, shut up hippies. What about all the humans, CHILDREN, who are sold as slaves through human trafficking to have sex with others. Like, I'm more concerned about that.

Deep stuff.

I'll be home before you know it :3
I'm so excited to see my babies, you just don't know. I miss being around my family everyday.. Hugging them, squeezing them, being hugged back by them. Yay! MAJOR LOVE FEST. Haha, I'm gonna get all the Christmas stuff out when I get there.... seeing that I'm the one who usually does it.

I'm not sure to what I have decided.. staying next spring... in Maryland. When I come home over the break I'm going to talk to my parents about it, get their advice. I do miss everyone... but this is easy money, you know? Like, I won't make money like this ever. I don't know, life is complicated. But I've always wanted to see the cherry blossoms in Washington DC in the spring ;)

I've been STUDYING STUDYING STUDYING for my nursing entrance exam. Chemistry, Physiology, Anatomy, Microbiology, English grammer/reading, Math (bleck)... a huge test that makes up a lot of your points towards being accepted for the program. It's all so stressful. I truly suck at fractions. But when I finally make it into the program I am freaking going to party. I am also excited that I'm like a step away from actually realizing my ACTUAL career, you know? Like, no more dancing around the subject, it's down and dirty, in your face, the real deal. Giving shots, starting IVs, pulse rates, charting, taking care of real people. In real situations.

I'm so excited about becoming a successful adult. 


I had a dream I went to Russia and met the weird/crazy/strange real life anime girl.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

...☆ the day we met ☆...


Breaking Dawn, Part 2.

Like you just don't even know, seriously.
My inner Twilight fan girl flailed! Ah ha ha.

Like, I cried in this movie.
Like, ohmmmaiiigawsh.

I can't wait till we go see it.
I hope you guys feel the same way.

This song played at the end... AHH. I like this version.


Four more days. Four more days till I'm home.


So I had already typed this blog out... and went to get pictures.. and totally mood changed. I was all bubbly and had no cares in the world. And I'm going to type this anyway even though I know the responds will be something like this, "God has an amazing guy out there for you. He'll come along be patient." Yada yada... that's all good and stuff.

But, I just want that companionship. ///sigh

Things I'm totally excited for:
- Going to see Breaking Dawn pt 2 AGAIN
- Seeing family and friends
- Nakakon 2013
- Christmas
- Hanging out with friends @ Onna's
- Pumpkin pie
- Two more weeks left of school

Yep! :3

Welllll now I'm gonna go watch Brave and eat pita ;3

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

"I may know the anwser, though one question I still hear."

I always come to this song. It's beautiful, sad, calming.. beautiful. Inspiring!

Stressful things lately...

Just people here are starting to get on my nerves.. >.>

Then I hear stuff from the house:

- Brant wrecked the van meaning.. Mom and Dad have to pay to fix the van, pay to fix the other dude's car, and pay triple now on Brant's insurance because he got a ticket.
- Brant not taking care of the dog HE ran over.
- Brant not paying on his $16,000 school bill and since he lives with Mom and Dad it'll fall back on them... therefore they have to pay for.
- Mom is depressed because she can barely walk. Doctors are telling her there's no point in surgery because she's old.
- Rhiannon isn't really helping Mom out with the kids, just complains and stuff.

 Mom wanted to get the kitchen up and running but she's had to dip into her repair funds and she's upset about Christmas, she won't be able to do much this year.

I don't want anything for Christmas. From anyone.

I just want to be home...

It's hard to see someone spend $700 on two pairs of boots when I know my parents are hurting... I wish someone had a "big boy" / "grow up" stick so I could beat the living crap out of my brother. Is it horrible of me to want to push him off a cliff? I wish he'd move out.

December come quick. I need a sad movie.. I need to cry.

I just don't know what to think... I've been doing horribly too.. I've been cursing a lot.. Just down in the dumps. I'm honestly sick of being here... but I'm gonna stick it out till December.

I need the peace of God.