Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween!

I hope everyone had a magical night filled with memories and sweets.

Mine was great! I mean, I wished I had someone here to spend it with, but dressed up as Snow White and passing out candy to little girls who had heart attacks over me was pretty awesome. It was like right as soon as I opened the door their faces lit up. That's my favorite part about dressing up, as anyone or for any event. When it makes someones day, especially children.

Eventually I just stuck the bowl of candy out and went in... I had homework to do and I was exhausted! Haha... so Jon came home and was talking about big life decisions they have to make and other things.. I laughed and said "I never want to grow up." It was funny because I was still in my Snow White costume.. I was like "Hmm, how ironic." XD

This is a short blog.. because well, it's 11:14 p.m. and I'm tired. I'm ready for some well deserved sleep! If you're still out and about, be safe. Don't do stupid things.

Love you all! :3

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Here we are again.

And I just wish I had someone.


To talk to.

I hate being alone.

This might just be the loneliness talking.. but I feel forgotten. I know everyone has a life. People are doing things, busy. I mean it's the freaking afternoon on a Sunday, you're most likely busy with other things.

But no one is answering their texts. Not even my parents.

Hello four walls.

It's okay... don't feel guilty.. or bad. I'm just pathetic and letting it out here.

Hurricane Sandy hits soon, like tomorrowish.

"Be Prepared for extended power outages. If you live near large trees, remain in the lower level of your home or seek shelter elsewhere if possible. Refrain from any unnecessary travel and stay indoors."

Thank goodness my backyard is full of trees and I sleep on the top level, phew.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

I love you.

I've done something to my back.. slept on it weird or something and now it's so sore to move or to hold it in a certain position. I hope it goes away and soon! I feel like a gimp XP

Fall/Autumn is so pretty here. The trees are so many colors! Oranges, yellows, reds, browns! BUH! And I love watching the leaves fall... they're like confetti! I like to go outside and stop underneath the trees and watch them fall all around me. Makes me feel like Winona Ryder in Edward Scissorhands when she's dancing in the ice or "snow" near the end.

I've been listening to cello music (I know that's not a cello in the video) but I totally want a cello at my wedding when it happens. They're so beautiful and magical and romantic >3 I just thought you should know that.

I'm going to a wedding in November, the same weekend as Izumicon, in New Orleans. I'm excited.. I mean I'm not going to the actual wedding, I'm going to be watching kids during it.. but we're going to stay extra days and explore, like the French Quarter and stuff. I've never been there but all I have is pictures of the Princess and the Frog in my head :DDD lol I'm always up for some sort of magical adventure.

Guys, if I don't survive the week, I want you to know... I love you all. You guys can fight over my things in my room in Oklahoma. Haha, but in all seriousness the hurricane is on its way to the East coast. The waterfront is like 30 mins from our house O.O I've never been through a hurricane before. I'm not sure how it'll be, but I'll let you know. Suppose to get here around late late Monday / early early Tuesday. Google it fool, Hurricane Sandy.

So I had a pretty awesome, if I do say so myself, dream the other night. Some of it really seemed real, like it was actually happening. So I'm going to try and make it as detailed and vivid for you as possible! I told it to Meghan, ha ha, but I'm going to use a lot of fluffy words and make you feel as if were right there and I'm gonna add a bit to it!! Mwhaha. Tell me what you think?

(Okay, just got finished typing it.. it's dumb lol)

Some of it I think is loosely based off of Final Fantasy X, I mean I was Yuna in it. <3 <3

lolololol and I don't know why Loki is always in my best dreams.
/hasacrushonTomHiddleston D:

* * * * * * * * * * *

Alone. I was usually never left alone, normally I was always surrounded by people, friends. It's actually quite nice. I have time to listen to my thoughts or have some for that matter.. I looked up and down the road.. of all places to have to wait for somebody, it has to be here? Macalania woods has to be one of the coldest places.. I smiled to myself, but one of the most beautiful.

The bright silver moon hung above the treeline outlining everything underneath it. It illuminated the dark blueish greenish trees and their grand spiraling trunks. The pyreflies were in a big number today, they danced every where they flew while they glistened and sparkled like glitter. I found a place to sit on, a huge root sticking out of the ground, where I strategically leaned against the tree. I tucked my skirt around my legs, trying to keep all the warmth in. I knew I should have brought some sort of cover up...

A branch broke in the distance. Travelers?  Is this who I've been waiting for? I threw my head to the direction of the sound, my earring hit my face as I did so. My eyes widened trying to catch everything and not missing a thing. I sucked my breath in slowly.. the wind rustled through the trees slowly bringing down the leaves with it. Here they come, my muscles tightened......... Oh, a small animal, a rabbit, hopped over the hill. It cocked its head at me and starred. My body instantly slouched... I'm starting to get frustrated. I was asked to wait here for someone, not sure who, but it was very important. But how long are they going to keep me here? I waved at the rabbit, not sure why, but it was cute. The rabbit didn't return any gesture besides darting into the brush. I let out a loud sigh.. it would have been nice if it had kept me company. I turned back to what I had been doing previously, picking the wildflowers and weaving them into a halo. When I finished it, it was adorn with flowers of blues, purples, whites, and yellows. I was proud of myself... I placed it gently on my head.

Nothing left to do.. or to keep myself occupied.. I grabbed my staff and held onto it tightly in my lap and readjusted my position. I was ready to leave this place and get back to my room. My cozy, warm, room. I'm not sure how much time has passed by and I'm actually starting to worry... are the others worried about me? I tried to stay warm and find a comfortable position... you know, I think I can hear music. I froze, not moving a muscle.. just the sound of my heartbeat.... and there it was! The woods were producing a low hushed song. It surrounded me. I watched the nearest pyrefly dance in the air to the sweet melody. I was entranced.. this small creature put on a performance right before me. It pirouetted and leaped, it glowed among the darkness...  My eyes started to weigh down.. I lost control to them... my head was nodding, I was trying to fight against it, but sleep had eventually won the war.

My head violently snapped up after falling. It was dark now... everything, the creatures, the trees, had gone to sleep. Only the moon was still awake, it's glow seemed a bit dimmed. Surprising I wasn't cold.. and the tree was much more comfortable now too.. and soft. I didn't move. Someone was sitting by me, I forced my eyes as far left as I could... I couldn't even make an outline out.

"Are you awake?" I knew that voice and as his words flowed through me it brought a smile to my face. I slowly worked my eyes to his. His deep emerald eyes were worried, but also were full of wonder and mystery. The dim light from the moon highlighted the features of his face and sparkled in his eyes.

"May I ask why your ladyship is here, in the woods, alone?"


He smirked, shook his head, and stood up patting off his pants as he did so. "Well, come on then." What.. I knew it read on my face, I was surprised. He held out his hand to me. I sat there for a moment, puzzled. "Loki, I was told to wait here. Someone has something important to give me... I can't just leave." I starred at his hand and up at his face. The woods were silent... there wasn't even any wind now. "Whoever has the gull to leave a girl, out in the woods, alone, shouldn't be given the time of day. Or night." He smirked again at his cleverness and motioned again at me. I bit my lip... what if whoever wanted to see me here was in trouble or danger? What if they needed to be healed? I hesitated. It was like Loki could read my every thought.. he sat back down beside me and looked into my eyes. What was he doing? I got embarrassed and push him back jokingly... I let out a soft laugh but when I looked back into his eyes they were serious. "Let's go." I didn't know what to say... I made a slight pouty face which he mimicked right back to me. I untucked my skirt so I wouldn't get tangled in up on it on my way up. At this point he was already up and ready, he held his hand out for me, I took it, and stood up.

I brushed out my skirt with my hands... I sat there for so long dew started to form on the printed flowers. I tripped over my feet for a bit, they were slow to waking up. I felt my cheeks get hot, I probably looked silly but he didn't say a word.. usually he would. Something was wrong. Should I bring it up now? Was this the time or place? "Loki... I need.." I started but he cut me off.

"Yuna, you are freezing." He had placed his hand on my shoulder, his hand was warm. Without asking or even questioning, he unclasped two golden pieces around both of his shoulders, yanked on his green cape, and draped it over me as a cloak. I didn't argue as the blanket of warmth enveloped me like the first sip of hot tea making its way down your esophagus. Then a trio of smells hit me like waves: mint, suede, and leather. I took a moment to breath it in. "Thank you..." I chattered out of my teeth, "but you. What about you?" He snorted and quickly forced his pale complexion to blue and back again. With that we started our silent walk up the glistening path. That's one thing we had in common, we're a mixed breed and our other half is something that others hated. Though while my mixed nature is shown through my different color eyes, Loki suffered from another thing all together.

I held my head down towards the ground, watching his footsteps in front of me. It was hard to make out much else at this time of night, but the moon was faithful, and dimly lit the path ahead of us. There are so many things I wanted to say.. Things I wanted him to know. I watched the moon dance on Loki's hair between each opening of the trees we passed under. I need to be brave, for me, for him. A thought quickly came to me, I pranced up to his side and grabbed his hand.. His head turned sharply and stared at our hands and up at my face, he didn't expect it.. I smiled, it was silly. I felt stupid for what I was about to do.. but the times now are stressful. It's wearing us thin.. I need to make him happy.

"Run, don't look back." We both smiled, he squeezed my hand tightly...

"You sure?"

"Mmmm." I nodded.. and we were off down the path. I wasn't the best runner by any means at all, but it's something we did as children. We grew up in the same village... sometimes he would get teased, when others found out who he really was.. As children he told me when he ran he felt like nothing could touch him, he was invincible, when he was really just running away from the problem...

The cold air rushing by was stinging my cheeks and caused my eyes to water uncontrollably. My bracelets were flying madly around between his and my hand. I could tell his pace was slowed down for mine.. But I pushed my short legs harder and as my pace hastened, so did his. I balanced my staff in my other hand as he balanced his staff in his, our feet hit the ground as one. I started laughing, he was always competitive.. I would never win I knew that but his face was priceless, so serious. The woods passed quickly in a blur, I never wanted this to end.

WHOOSHHH, the crackling of a fire shot out from behind us and landed feet away. It casted our shadows out in front of us... It was automatic, norepinephrine surging in my veins, I grabbed my staff. "Shield us from fiery fury!" Two orbs shot out the end of my rod and encircled Loki and I, putting up a defensive spell against any more fire attacks. He grabbed me before I could see who or what it was attacking us... the fire kept coming, it lit up the trees around us.. and slowly caught them on fire. Trapped, where were we to go? I could cast wateraga or sumon an aeon, take them out quickly. I was about to take the stance to do so... when I began to topple backwards.. my mind finally came to grasp what was happening, we we're falling down.

I held tight to him as we rolled on top of each other, head over heels, like two lifeless puppets. I wanted to make a noise, any noise, I couldn't.. I felt his hands, his arms around my head.. and then we stopped. We had fallen down to the lowest part of the woods, which opened up to a field that was the edge of the forest. A glowing sheet had broken our fall, something that came from Loki's magic. My head and vision was spinning, my leg started to feel warm and wet? ... and a stinging surge of pain. I wanted to let out a scream but he threw his hands over my mouth. He didn't look at me at all, his focus was above us. I whimpered into his hand... I looked around.. the moonlight didn't reach us down here. It was cold and unforgiving.. a forgotten part of the woods. He waited and listened for anything or anyone. 

How much time went by? He took his hand from my mouth.. I knew to stay quiet. There were some footsteps above, was someone after me? Or him? I buried my face in the space between us to hide my face. The only thing on my mind was the pain from coming from my leg, I must of cut it on our tumble down. "They're gone." I looked back up frantically from where we fell.. The woods were silent again.. and darker. I didn't like the atmosphere. I searched for his face in the darkness.. "Are you alright?" He had made a small orb of light on the end of his staff.. it barely illuminated him, but I could see the blood trickling from the cuts on his face. I knew he was more worried about me, but I didn't care. I ignored him as he started to ask me if I was okay.. I placed my hands on his face. "Light shine strong." A small glow came from under my hands, warmed, and healed the scrapes.

I gave a weak smile which turned into a wince, my leg reminded me it was injured.. I sat up to look and my skirt was slowly soaking up the blood. "You should've taken care of yourself first..." There was a hint of anger in his voice.. I gave him a sideways looks. I'm a white mage, a healer, I was fine. I could handle a bit of pain.. I lifted my skirt over the cut and he brought the small source of light closer. The cut was below my knee and was really deep. After I picked the dirt and grass out of it, I closed my eyes and concentrated... I could feel the magic well up from my spirit and to my hands. "Please.." I muttered. My leg warmed up a bit as it slowly mended back together.. I opened my eyes and the cut was gone. I let out a noise of approval and flipped my hair.. He just starred in amazement..

"I feel useless most of the time, I'm not extremely strong or powerful. But if I can heal someone or protect someone, that's more important to me than any power in the world.." I gave him a quick smile and nervously looked down into my lap. He had seen me use my healing power before, I'm not sure why he was so amazed now... "You are the strongest person I know. You place others in front of you...You would heal your enemy, where I could not..." I could feel the distance between us grow closer. I've known Loki almost my whole life.. he placed his hand on mine. Things recently have made our relationship complicated... my heart raced. I had to do something.. it wasn't right. Was it?

"Why are you leaving?" My words cut through the darkness like a sword. His face inches from mine, turned away. Did he know I was stalling? I held my place as he slowly sunk away, his light fading until it died.

The woods around us stood still, I was engulfed in the darkness.. I felt alone. What was he thinking about? I shifted my weight slightly and the leaves rustled and broke underneath me.. I couldn't feel him near me anymore.. Without thinking I blindly sliced through the cold air and found my way into his arms. I held on as tight as I could, turning my knuckles white.. I didn't want to cry, I was forcing the tears back.. was he leaving? He was.. I was going to be alone.. to face these things all by myself. He is my best friend and... I loved him. How could I tell him that? With the circumstances I'm in.. the people who would get hurt.

Is my duty as a public figure far greater than the duty to my heart?

I sobbed into his shoulder. Many things ran through my head... was I the one trying to run away from my problems? Time moved slowly, even though, he held me until I quit crying. My body was weak, the pressure from the stress finally hit me and brought me down.. he took me by the shoulders and lifted me out of the swallowing despair. He looked me in the eyes. I could only make his face out through the small stream of light, the moon had finally found us again. "Is there something, anything you need to tell me?" He already knew every feeling I had, everything I felt for him.

"Loki... " I stumbled for my words... they were lost amongst the confusion.
"N-n-no mater what, my heart belongs to you, always. I.. I lo...."

"There you are. Weren't you told to wait?" I sucked the air in quickly, it burned my lungs.. our noses were touching at this point, about to kiss.. we stopped. I rested my tear stained face upon his... and looked up into his annoyed and angered eyes.. he could read the fear in mine. Probably could feel it radiating from my body. Loki stood up and helped me up as he did.

"We were waiting when we were attacked from behind. We had no choice but to flee which we were then knocked off the path." His voice was clear and direct. I clung tightly to his arm.. This might be the last time I have with him.. I had to say it, I have to let him hear the words from my mouth even though he already knows. The man grew closer and got off his horse, accompanied by three guardsmen. He was handsome, one of three of the world leaders... and I was to give him my hand in marriage. His haunting eyes moved past Loki and found me. My stomach fell.... "My lady, are you alright?" He motioned for me but I couldn't and didn't want to move. I felt safe, right where I was.

Loki gave me a slight nudge and I moved robotically forward. This man examined me, head to toe and without warning collapsed his arms around me... "I'm so glad you are safe." My arms hung at my side, I couldn't feel anything.. I was emotionless. "You need to see my healers at once." I'm the best healer around, he disregards me as a weak, pitiful, fragile girl...  This man, was the man that the public wanted to see me marry. In these hard times such weddings give people hope and peace, even if its temporary. I, the daughter of the high summoner and him the noble esteemed leader of our nation, it sounds like the match made. Why shouldn't I bring the people a temporary peace along my journey to bring them a long-lasting peace? To take painful memories, painful events from their minds...

I looked over to Loki... His eyes were mixed with sadness and anger. He was probably comparing himself to this man, Tane. Tane was a strong warrior, well built. Very handsome: clear blue eyes, dirty blond well kept hair... yes he was good looking, but my heart is taken by another. My heart was taken by another... it has already been claimed. Tane was ordering around his guards when I stopped him in mid sentence, "Lord Tane, I'm sorry."

 I slipped my way out of his arms and ran back towards Loki with outstretched arms. My bell sleeves blew madly through the darkness.. my necklace pounded my chest opposite of my heart.. Loki's warm smile reassured me of my decision.. it shone through the darkness. It was my beacon. "I lov.."

But something flew around my legs and brought me to the ground. My face dove right into the damp earth, the sudden slam was a smack of reality. I tried to get my bearings but I could feel my hands being tied behind my back.. "Loki!" I screamed, I screamed until my voice cracked. "Lokkk..." A gritty piece of cloth had been placed in my mouth and tied behind me head.. The remnants of dirt that I picked up were trapped inside my mouth which caused me to gag. I tried to find my staff... there wasn't any hope. I tried to find Loki's face.. his outline... I mumbled as loud as I could, I love you. But it sounded like toddler noises... then came this smell. Subtle at first but then overpowering.. causing my eyes to water. Then my head was fuzzy.. I love you. I love you. I ... love...


Uhhh, what happened. My lead eye lids slowly fluttered open... where was I? I was lying in a soft white bed and in a quiet little room. There were some footsteps outside the door.. on the table next to me were various potion bottles, nurse's equipment, bandages.. my staff was even leaning against the wall. The bright sun peeked through the window and left streaks across the floor. I'm getting out, I'm going to find out what happened. I slowly lifted the covers to get up.. my leg was in a cast. Burns? Why was I burned...?

That's right, Loki and I ran away from an attacker.. ouch, I shivered from a prick of pain coming from my head. Was he hurt? No we escaped... I moved my legs to the side of the bed.. ow.. I stopped to take slow, deep breaths. That's right Tane had found us... mmmm, I closed my eyes. I mustered up the strength and found my way to my feet. I don't remember much but ... Tane asked if we were all right and Loki was upset... did he leave?  Did he leave me?... He left me? I shuddered from the constant pain that was now pouring down from my head and engulfed my body. Tears started to trickle from my eyes, why would he leave me, I stood there alone... Did I tell him...

I lost my balance and fell to the floor. My brain was on fire.. what was I thinking about? I writhed in pain on the floor and let out blood curdling screams. Where am I? I dug my nails into my scalp.. it wouldn't help.. nothing could. "Nurse, I need ice. I need a wet cloth. I need something! Can you hear me, Yuna? Everything will be okay, hold on!" The frantic voice was over me.. I felt hands pick me up and place me back into the bed... one set of the hands started stroking my hair... my head could melt ice. I wrestled arms that held me there... and then I was enveloped in a refreshing cool veil...

My eyes opened a second time... though this time I wasn't alone. At my bedside was a very familiar face, her brown eyes shone through the puffy and redness as I gave her a half smile. Her dark and caramel streaked hair fell around her face.. "Did I loose something important?" I asked her.. I'm not sure what was happening, I felt lost. She stared at me, almost as lost as I was. "No, you're safe! That's all that matters..." Her arms flew around me.. her embrace was full of love.. inviting. I soaked it in. At that moment the door bursted open, allowing other friendly people through.

"Yuna!" Several voices chanted together. Still being held by Rinoa, two other dear friends wrapped their arms around me. "I thought we were going to loose you..." the softer spoken green eyed girl said as she wiped a tear from her eye. "We should have never left you alone." The last of the three girls said as she flipped her hair and shot a glare at the group of others standing near the door.

"Vincent I told you, I told you someone needed to be with her.. now look. She was hurt. Could have been killed." Garnet continued as she stood her ground.

"I was following orders..." Vincent started. "Following orders, does that mean you would compromise her well being? Her life to be the perfect subject? Where does your duty lie?" Garnet cut him off.. Aerith quickly placed her hand on Garnet's shoulder... trying to calm her down.

"We've made some terrible decisions... we're here now. We must move on." The newest voice came from a slightly older woman, her hair was black as a raven.. "Yuna, are you feeling alright?" I nodded my head.. Lulu was like an older sister to me.. the man standing next to her, Wakka, was like an older brother. There was another guy in the corner, Cloud, who stood there... he was newest to our group, but he was trustworthy. I only lacked one other person... one other guardian on my journey.. I grasped my head, the pain fled back.

Everyone took a quick step forward at my movement. "I'm alright really..." Aerith handed me a cool wet rag that I placed over my head.. "and it was my fault. I choose to wait there by myself." I smiled as I tried to pass the blame on myself. "If it wasn't for Loki..." my heart jumped out of its cavity.. I couldn't hear the rest of what Wakka was saying.. the pain wasn't going away. Why did I have such pain when I tried to think of him... or if I heard his name... "What.. did you say?" I managed to force out of my mouth.

"He's the one who moved you from your spot.. Lord Tane found you bleeding.." I didn't understand what he was saying.. he looked at me like I thought he was speaking another language. "We thought he was one of your loyal guardians.. but as Lord Tane discovered, Loki was a part of the rebel movement.. He wanted to destroy you and what you stand for." I wasn't breathing.. I couldn't. What did Wakka just tell me.. I felt sick. I starred off into space... the others were still talking to me. Arguing with each other.. Rinoa got into my face, her eyes were wide.. I couldn't tell what she was saying, she shook me slightly. "Yuna?"

There was a knock at the door that stamped out all the voices in the room. "Come in." Lulu stepped forward and took charge. A guard stepped in and filled the doorway. "Glad to see you up and well, m'lady. Lord Tane would like your presence if you're well. Do you accept?" He waited patiently.

"You inconsiderate fool, she has just awoken, do you honestly be..." Vincent started on the guard until I cut him off. "Yes, please inform Lord Tane I will meet with him."

"Thank you m'lady." The guard left as quickly as he came, shutting the door behind him. At that instant everyone started at each other again, voices raised.

"Enough... I want to finish my journey. I set out in the beginning to rid this world of sin, to bring the calm. To bring peace. Everything else can wait until then." I held my head between my hands... I felt like it was going to shoot off. Was that the real reason why I didn't want to marry Lord Tane?

"As you wish.." Vincent said as he darted off to make preparations..

"We will be by your side the whole time." Cloud said as he followed Vincent out of the room. One by one they each left.. until it was the four of us girls. No one spoke.. the rays of sun had slowly crept their way across the floor and were almost touching the other side of the room. My friends helped me to my feet, Aerith handed me my staff. As I took it into my hand, I felt better. I took a moment and said a little prayer... "Mend us." I felt as if all my health and mana returned to me.. and my power had touched my friends. I opened my eyes and was greeted to smiling faces. We were finally on our way out... Vincent, Wakka, Lulu, and Cloud were waiting for us outside.. I hugged everyone's neck, the last was Garnet's.. before she let go of me, she whispered into my ear, "It's not true.. is it. Lord Tane isn't who he says he is... Don't be dazzled by his high position and fancy words." As she let go of me she starred into my eyes.

Lord Tane was standing across the courtyard staring at the slowly rising sun. The sky was full of grey clouds and the ground was white with snow. As I walked to him he turned and greeted me with a bow. "Lady, isn't the site breathtaking?" He stated as I placed myself beside him.. "It is." He turned his whole body towards me, I knew what was coming... I blushed.

"I am truly honored but I think.." He held his hand up to silence me and continued as he swished his cape back and got down on one knee.. There were many onlookers, back up at the resting lodge. He held out a petite box in front of him and began to rehearse. I couldn't look him in the eye. I felt like I was betraying someone.. I looked back to the crowd to see many people in awe. After he got done with his speech, he rose from the snow and opened the box to reveal a silver band adorned with four diamonds.

Those four little words came.

I was as frozen as the ground below me.

He waited with a bright, hopeful, handsome smile on his face.

I looked from my guardians, to the crowd, to Tane, to the crowd again... My eyes welled up. I was hoping to see that one face... the only one who could really save me from this predicament. The pain returned to my head and brought me to my knees...  I fell into the white glittering snow. Worry replaced Tane's excitement..  I could hear gasps from the crowd. Lord Tane came close, stroked my hair, and whispered "Are you okay? Do you need air?" He turned to the crowd, "she needs air, I'm going to take her to get some air." Without effort he picked me up and walked down the pathway. I didn't want to be alone... with him. I tried to look for my guardians.. but everything was already out of sight.

We reached the edge of the forest.. is this where we were before? He walked over to a bench that sat nestled under a willow tree where he gently lowered me on. The only thing that could take my mind off the pain was watching the snow dance as it fell to the ground. He quietly sat next to me.

"I brought your cloak."

What? I didn't own a cloak? He unfolded the fabric that he pulled out of his bag and draped it around my shoulders. It's bright green color stood out in the haze. Mint? I smelled the fabric... Loki? My head pounded harder ... I squeezed my eyes. "Yuna, is everything alright? You can tell me anything, please, I want you to be able to rely on me..."

I looked up into his crystal blue eyes, they were kind.. I have never realized how beautiful his eyes were, I was falling into them. They engulfed me, I was in a million places at once. He was reaching into my soul...

I couldn't breathe. 

I couldn't move.

I couldn't think.

 "Nothing is wrong..." I felt a fake peace come over me, I wasn't in pain.

"And my offer?" I couldn't look away...

"Yes, of course. I accept." Something tugged at my heart... But my body kept moving closer to his.

"And will you love me, forever?" I stopped, his eyes never ceased. The willow branches swayed in the soft wind.. I grabbed my chest and blinked. The pain had returned as well as the scent of mint and musk. Through the pounding pain I could only hear one name: Loki...

"I love you." Tane's face grew angry.. He knew those words weren't uttered for him.. I looked back into Tane's eyes.. however the were black as coal now, he was furious. "How could you, someone as weak as you, break through my mind control?" My memory flooded back to me.. all the events that had happened. I was captured.. but what happened to Loki? I stood up, the pain was gone now. Lord Tane was shaking in fury, "You will become my wife, I will force you to quit your pilgrimage, and I shall consume your powers." He towered over me slowly morphing into something in-human.

His hands were replaced with claws, teeth with fangs, where the crystal blue eyes once were are now a ravenous blood red color.  I grabbed my staff... "Armour of light, halt physical might!" I casted a shell to protect myself, it blew his attacks back at him which caused his fury to rise. He casted a magic spell back at me causing my rod to fly out of my hand... And left me suspended midair. I searched the grounds for help, from anyone... anyone, please save me.

Tane laughed, "You will never see your guardian's or his face again." In an instant, his blackened lips met mine. Not only did I feel like my energy was leaving me but also my will to live... It's okay I thought. I didn't want to be alive if I wasn't with Loki or surrounded by my loved ones, I just want to be by his side and his only. I gave up... only to feel my body falling out of control and only to be stopped by the ground? No someone had caught me? I couldn't make out who... They were running. I could hear blasts off in the distance.. screams. Yells... it all faded away.

"We need to get her to safety and quickly." The voice was low, quick, and hushed. I held on tighter... I couldn't open my eyes. It wasn't him. But it was my one of my loyal guardians, Wakka. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I didn't have the strength to, I didn't even have the strength to open my eyes. His footsteps turned into many.. and suddenly they echoed all around.

"Of all places you wanted to hide... You hid here?" Cloud hissed at Wakka..

"No one ever goes into these caves." Wakka sat me down on a rock formation..

"For a good reason, they're haunted." Lulu piped up.. "However we can't stop now we must move on wards, Lady can you walk?" She glanced to the entrance and down at me. I nodded. I stood but wobbled. Cloud put my arm around him and helped me make a way down the cavern. The party was silent, only our footsteps and the occasional rock broke it. Lulu casted fire to light our way.

Vincent stopped and turned on his heel to face me, "I'm sorry. This is twice I have failed you." No one moved or said anything. "I should have seen this... I promise, to always, be there for you."

"As I." everyone echoed after..

"I'm just glad you are here with me now and till the end." I smiled weakly and we continued on into the damp, moist, mildew smelling cave. It seemed like hours... Everyone was slowly growing tired. "Everyone stand back!" Lulu concentrated her flame and quickly spread it into a fireplace that centered the room. "It's an ancient burial resting place." She said softly...

"We rest here but be on guard." Everyone started to set up camp. Cloud set me up against a wall while Garnet brought me a cup of tea. After getting their assigned chores done to get everything set up, Garnet, Aerith, and Rinoa joined me by the fire... It was quiet at first. We usually have to wait for the others to be out of earshot.. because as Vincent always says "Do not distract her from her journey."

The other four were soon busy with planning and mapping things out... "If it means anything, I never liked that Tane.." Aerith said quietly.. We all silently giggled, except for Garnet. "I told the others how I felt. Wakka couldn't see how such a high official could be bad.. and here we are.." We all were silent again.. I watched Rinoa throw broken twigs into the fire.

"What did Tane tell you when he "found me"?" I quickly asked the others..

They looked to each other and Rinoa decided to pipe up, "He, he told us Loki led you away from your spot, the spot where he planned on purposing to you. He said Loki hurt you, and left." There was a silence.. "I knew that couldn't be true, honestly Yuna I didn't want to believe it.. It didn't sound like Loki at all! He would never hurt you... But they wouldn't have believed us." I looked into my cup of tea.. I didn't feel like drinking it... "Did you tell him?" Aerith whispered.. I shook my head pathetically. Without hesitation the three of them threw their arms around me, again. I don't know where I would be with out them, they treated me with love... even when I was so selfish.

"Do you think I'll ever see him again?"

Rinoa looked up from inside the huddle, "True love knows no bounds." I smiled..

"Lights out." Vincent called from the other side as Lulu dimmed the central source of light..

The only sounds that came from the caverns were dripping of water off the formations and soft muffled snores. I couldn't sleep, the floor was cold and unforgiving. Vincent was watching guard, like always, him being a vampire he never slept. I tip toed out of my sleeping bag and sat next to him. He didn't say anything but he didn't have to, his presence did the talking for him. All of my guardians were like family to me. I sighed...

"I want to focus on my journey. I want to get stronger so that I can defeat sin."

"Understood." I smiled to myself..

I was at peace but yet I still felt unsettled. I felt like I was never going to see him again and I hated myself for not being able to tell him when I had the chance.. The only chance I had. Though the more I thought about it, he saved me.. Loki saved me from Tane right from the very beginning.. I smiled again and stared into the black abyss. As my eyes adjusted I noticed figures peaking around the corner..

"Vincent, is that someone?" I said frantically.

"Those are old monuments from times way before yours. Tombstones of people of the past.." I stood up and he mimicked my actions.

"Can I see?"

"Yes, but I shall accompany you." He looked back and nodded at Cloud who was still awake, who then took charge over watching the camp. Vincent lead the way with a torch and I followed on his heels... like light off the torch licked the darkness.. stiring the things of the deep.

There were two statues, one was broken and I couldn't tell what it was.. or what it use to be. All that remained of it was a torso, an arm, and an out stretched hand. The other was of a woman, but it didn't have a face.. While Vincent searched the intact statute for an inscription.. I walked over to the broken one.

How sad I thought, even in death it is broken, I wanted to help the poor statue. To give it pride again so that it will stand as a memorial for the person it guards. I searched the room for something... Anything.

The air shifted slightly.

Vincent gave me a glance, did he sense something? "We need to get back."

"Alright, but one second.." I unclasped my flower pendant necklace and placed it on the headless torso, "I'm sorry I don't have anything else to offer.." Before I walked to Vincent I stopped in front of the expressionless statue. It was breathtaking.. it had long hair and was draped with garments made of concrete.

I had turned to Vincent and saw the expression on his face.. it terrified me. Vincent whirled around, grabbed me, and pushed me behind him. All in swift movements... A face appeared in the stone statue.. it starred at us, it's eyes could not be described, and it let out a piercing scream. The others woke up at once and rushed over, weapons at the ready. The statue started to speak in some language I didn't recognized. Was it mad? Darkness and the cavern walls surrounded us. We disturbed their peace.. Tears fell from its stone eyes.. Its arm stretched outwards and blew a blast that knocked everyone down... I braced myself.. but never fell down. I looked up.. I was face to face with the statue..

However she wasn't a statue. She was glowing, her blond wild hair was dancing around her face and the silk lilac drapes cupped her body. Her eyes were pure crystal and warm. She didn't say anything.. She looked over at the broken statue where I had placed my necklace.. The statue started to glow and shift. It slowly turned into another breathtakingly, but smaller, beautiful nymph. The two of them came together and stepped towards me.
"Human, you have shown us kindness where others have disgraced our graves. The bones of those around you are what is left of them..." I glanced quickly around... this was a bone graveyard. The younger nymph let out a laugh. "Do not be afraid. You, pure of heart, shall be rewarded."

 Rewarded? The two sisters nodded at each other. "Long have we dreamed of finally resting, together, in peace. We've needed someone to pass on our strength to." The youngest one, grabbed the necklace around her neck, and took my hand with the other. My hand tingled in her grasp. "You are the one. You will bring peace to the land." They closed their eyes... my body became really hot. I closed my eyes...

"Can you see the future?" I asked them... eyes still closed.

"Yes." They replied in unison.

"Tell me..." I started but was cut off.

"Let time play its course."

And they were gone..

I felt so much pure magic flowing through me... and that's when I realized... I was changed physically also. I opened my eyes... floating above the others and radiating with a glow like that of the moon. My hair was white as the snow and it flowed around my face. The dress that replaced my summoner robes was a bright opalescent color and flowed as if there was a breeze. There were flower petals around me that gave off the scent of fresh roses..

"Yuna?" I looked down at all the awe struck faces below me..

This was the power I was going to use to end the pain, the suffering. Finally I was strong enough to do so.. Is love really that powerful? That it can transcend lifetimes?  I wasn't sure, but I'm going definitely going to spread it to others.. to change lives. I laughed and sticky tears rolled down my cheeks. I carefully  floated down... I was now the light in the darkness... here in this cavern.

Everyone was shocked.. when my feet touched the ground my friends didn't even think twice, they ran into me... we made a group hug. It was full of laughter and hope. That's what I wanted. I wanted to be surrounded by the ones I loved.. I want them to be happy... I looked around at each one of them, they were all smiling ear to ear... when I saw something in the distance..

I pushed my way through the group... I put all of my force into my run... which was now more of a graceful sprint. Could it be? No.

Is it?

I lit up the cavern like a shooting star.

As I came to a halt, my garments lagged and flowed about me... and Loki. I touched his face... is this real? He looked at me in a way he had never before.. I started to turn my head in shame or doubtfulness.. because I wasn't the same anymore. I was different.

He caught my face in the action, and shook his head no. His eyes beamed at me... my reflection glistened. I smiled as I jumped up and threw my arms around his neck. We didn't have to say anything, we understood each feeling the other one had. The journey ahead was going to be rough.. but we had each other and our friends. We lit up the the darkness of the cavern around us... I pulled back slightly, I focused on his eyes...

"I love you."

Thursday, October 25, 2012

You broke my smoulder...

This video is breathtaking. It makes me feel warm inside... to see the joy on everyone's face. It made me think, man we take the little things for granted. Such small things, like snow, that other people don't get to experience that we have all the time, we shrug it off. Or the fact that we have shelter, food, clothes, or woke up this morning. Some people will never know such things... I feel very at peace right now and very thankful. God has blessed me with a wonderful life and its time for me to give back to Him.

I'm watching Tangled, again, because I love this movie. It's super cute and romantic and gushy and all that stuff. I really want to cosplay as Rapunzel >3

Today I'm going to go out and try to find a, cheap, costume. It's hard trying to find one at the costume stores... most of the adult female costumes are very ostentatious :/// I just want something modest.

I wore my Captain America shirt yesterday and someone complimented me on it :3 then Michelle said some guy was checking me out. *confidence booost* I just need to get up, get ready everyday, and feel beautiful. Because when you feel beautiful it radiates from the inside outside... so everyone else sees your beauty.

Today I'm hoping back onto my workout regime >3 and eating healthy again. After being horribly sick the other day... I know I need to be healthier. I even see pictures around my room and see me healthier, and I want it back. I have really let myself go and I feel like a blob. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be hard work, pain, and tears. But there's someone I've been leaving out of the equation.. God. I need to start looking to Him for all my problems. If I feel like binging on candy or crap I need to look to God for strength. I need to get into habit of immersing myself in His word. I need to glorify Him with my choices. :333333

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

I wrote that earlier and didn't post it, but now I'm back :333333333333333
I ended up getting a Snow White costume, it was the most modest one. I wanted to be TinkerBell (which was pretty modest as well) but they only had XS-S :// curse my awesome curves lol. But I'm excited!

I had a crazy afternoon. The dogs ran out of the house and I had to chase them into the forest.. they ran from me the whole way. THANKFULLY some little boys helped me out. I was hoping a tall dark and handsome guy would come to my rescue... perhaps it wasn't the right time lol. Funny thing was, I had tried on my Snow White costume to show Michelle... and I had just taken it off. Now wouldn't that have been hilarious... seeing Snow White running through the woods.

There's suppose to be a hurricane and a nor'easter colliding next week (both are different storm systems) and it might cause snow... I'M SO STOKED! WINTER WEATHER FINALLY D:

Guys, I never want to grow up. I want to stay childlike, innocent, wonderful forever!

OH and I want someone to play the Clair de Lune on the harp at my wedding... and I want my wedding at Disney World! Haha, guys get ready for a picture explosion.. I couldn't pick only a few. I feel so inspired by all of them... they all give me wonderful, magical, innocent, feelings.. like I could fly! :333333

Survey time.

1. How was your day today? Anything special happen?
My day was fantastic: I got a costume, shoes, and I actually feel pretty today.

2. Did you help anyone out today?
I chased after the dogs for Michelle, does that count? 

3. Are you thinking or pondering anything?
How ridiculous I probably looked running after the dogs in the forest trails.

4. What's your standing on abortion?
You know, I value life. I know it's against my religion... but say if I was raped or my young daughter was raped, I don't know if I could keep the child, you know?

5. Do you think politics is the art of lies or democracy and opinions?
Politics and Democracy are two different things. Politics are the people and Democracy is a form of government.. and did you know the US isn't one? We're actually a Democratic Republic.

6. Are you into anything, like music or art?
Ummm, YES. Like both and all! I love music, art, cooking, dancing, drawing, etc.

7. Explain to me your clothing style, how do you like to dress?
I don't know if I fit into a category persay.. I like to wear jeans, shirts, and tanks. When I dress fancy I guess it'd be more vintage-ish.

8. Do you have a Myspace or Facebook?
I have a Facebook, active. I have a Myspace, haven't been on there for years.

9. Do you take special pictures for them?
Sometimes >3

10. Have you been to church this week?
Yep! At my home church.

11. Do you devote your time to any clubs or activities?
Not really XPP

12. Do you take free samples at the grocery store?
Depends on what it is lol

13. How often do you go grocery shopping?
One a week?

14. Have you ever stayed up all night talking on the phone or the internet?
Internet, yes.

15. What's a career that interests you?
Obviously Nursing, but honestly I think being a homemaker is charming.

16. If you could join any band, what band would you choose?
The Boston Pops Orchestra conducted by John Williams O.O

17. Do you go to school?
Yep, on the internet.

18. What's one thing you would change about your school?
Well on campus, they need more parking space.

19. Do you plan on attending college?
Ah ha ha, yes. After I graduate with my associates, I'm gonna go to UCO for a bachelors.

20.  Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband?

21. Are you a Republican or Democrat?
I am registered a Republican.. but politics = blahhhh

22. Did you vote in the last election?

23. Aren't you grateful for the brave men and women in the Army?
Yes'm I sure am. I'm very proud and thankful that they lay down their lives for us everyday so that we can be free.

24. Have you ever made a survey that had been taken over 500 times?
Eh, no?

25. Why exactly do you take surveys?
Because I'm bored :3

26. Do you plan on posting this anywhere?

27. Rockband or Guitar Hero?
Rockband most defffff.

28. Algebra or English?
English O.O

29. Would you be interested in being a journalist?
I don't think I could do it XP

30. Are you camera shy?
Puh, no.

31. Have you ever skipped class?
Huh, yes.

32. Have you ever gotten CAUGHT skipping class? :D

33. Do you have a "cool" professor?
Nope.... >.>

34. Are you parents pretty chill?
I think so for the most part... life has just been really stressful the past couple of years.

35. Do you make okay grades?
I make great grades.

36. Well, what's your name?
Random, but my name is Mattie!!!

37. Is it night time or day time?
Night time! :D

38. Don't you just love the internet? What website do you visit often?

39. Do you have a Bzoink Profile?
I don't even know what that means...

40. Can you code HTML on your own?
A little bit.

41. Are you going to have a good rest of the week?
I sure hope so :33333