Monday, October 1, 2012

Underneath the moon, shining so bright.

This is my favorite song... why were balls and waltzing taken out of society?

Things that are bothering me:

- When I search for things and all that comes up is yaoi/yuri/slash crap. Like I was looking up references for the shirts... so when I looked up Thor I get "Thorki" which is the Thor/Loki paring. Or when I looked up Cap'n I get the Captain America/Iron Man pairing. Or I was looking at pictures for Princess Bubblegum and I got a Bubblegum/Marceline pairing. I'm sick of it.

- I'm sick of people thinking I'm 16-18. AND on top of that when I have the baby with me, they think I'm 16-18 and have a baby. Then look at me weirdly... or say "Ohhh what a pretty boy you have" or "Are you helping momma?" QUIT ASSUMING.

- If growing up or being an "adult" means cussing and being a jerk, I don't want to grow up.


Ahahaha. Sorry I just feel like ranting. Sometimes I feel like the weird one.. I'm the different one. I find amusement and joy out of the simplest things. I love fairytales, I love dressing up.. I'm compassionate, caring, loving, hopeless romantic, I want to be a princess.... and I'm treated like a child. Or sometimes talked down to? Not given a chance? Though honestly I rather be with children. People my age are usually drinking, having sex, and possibly do drugs. Children are honest, caring, pure... they see the beauty in everything. Some days at the daycare I'd be having self-confidence issues just feeling down right awful and some of the little girls would say, "Miss Mattie you look beautiful today." Those are words I will never forget.

So I guess I should  be thankful for my child like qualities. And if someone doesn't like them, just shrug it off. I need to stand for what I believe in. I need to be more outspoken.. I need to be strong. I need to fight.

I was doing so good in weight loss but I fell over the weekend.... it's so hard though. Being at the house during the week.. having nothing to do.. I tend to eat out of boredom. And stress. The baby can be very demanding and it stresses me a bit.. I feel so fat.. I wish the inside me matched the outside. I feel beautiful inside but not on the outside.

I can't wait to see the snow. Glittery and dusty. 

Picture overload.

1 comment:

  1. I hear you. I was just talking to Ethan the other night about it, how I never really want to truly grow up. Cause it seems like everyone our age is like screwy. I made a little area on my desk dedicated to my childhood things I've kept. Little knick-knacks and such, and then letters from friends and memories :) It's a little shrine to remind myself to never grow up. And to embrace your innocence

    Just wait -- you'll be back here with us where we'll all be so goofy and crazy and childlike it'll be amazing. I can't wait to see you. I think you need some friends and family time, definitely

    I love you dear things will look up <3 And keep trying with your goals, it's a hard and long process but you'll get there.