Tuesday, November 6, 2012

"I may know the anwser, though one question I still hear."

I always come to this song. It's beautiful, sad, calming.. beautiful. Inspiring!

Stressful things lately...

Just people here are starting to get on my nerves.. >.>

Then I hear stuff from the house:

- Brant wrecked the van meaning.. Mom and Dad have to pay to fix the van, pay to fix the other dude's car, and pay triple now on Brant's insurance because he got a ticket.
- Brant not taking care of the dog HE ran over.
- Brant not paying on his $16,000 school bill and since he lives with Mom and Dad it'll fall back on them... therefore they have to pay for.
- Mom is depressed because she can barely walk. Doctors are telling her there's no point in surgery because she's old.
- Rhiannon isn't really helping Mom out with the kids, just complains and stuff.

 Mom wanted to get the kitchen up and running but she's had to dip into her repair funds and she's upset about Christmas, she won't be able to do much this year.

I don't want anything for Christmas. From anyone.

I just want to be home...

It's hard to see someone spend $700 on two pairs of boots when I know my parents are hurting... I wish someone had a "big boy" / "grow up" stick so I could beat the living crap out of my brother. Is it horrible of me to want to push him off a cliff? I wish he'd move out.

December come quick. I need a sad movie.. I need to cry.

I just don't know what to think... I've been doing horribly too.. I've been cursing a lot.. Just down in the dumps. I'm honestly sick of being here... but I'm gonna stick it out till December.

I need the peace of God.


  1. *hugs* I'm sorry about all of this dear... but you'er strong and brave and God will bless you if you rely on Him. We all have darker days in our lives, and this may just be that season for you. But try to see the brighter things, and lean on your friends and family and this season will pass..


    And, uhhh too bad I'm getting you something for Christmas. CAuse your'e amazing and deserve it.

    I teared up the other day watching a pony episode cause AppleJack reminded me so much of you... Her honesty and compassion and desire and kick-butt attitude. And I just saw all the ponies together and friendship is magic and just ugh, it will feel so complete with you here and all our friends together again. For good. Almost crying now, jeez

    ILOVEYOUSOMUCH<3 Keep your chin up kid, there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.

  2. I love you Mattie... ;___; miss you and I will be praying for you and your family.

  3. I'm so sorry Mattie! D': I will pray that everything goes alright with you and your family and it will. ;) I love you Mattie. Be strong, obedient,and faithful to God. Hang in there! December is around the corner and I can't wait to give you a great big Christmas huggy! X3 <3 <3 God bless you girl! I'll be writing you a letter soon!!!