I think I'm going to wear my Sailor Moon shirt tomorrow! Whoo!
Yesterday way fun. Meghan, Cheryl, and I got table things squared away. Huzzah for that! I got my Sailor Moon wig fixed because of these ladies, double huzzah.
Things I still need to buy:
Black gloves (Videl)
Fabric (Sailor Moon)
Red vest w/gold buttons (Luffy)
Things to fix:
Sailor moon feather clips
Videl hair ties
Videl shirt (sew armpit area)
I can probably knock most of this stuff off this weekend. My mom's birthday is Sunday! I need to get her something but I don't know what... I know she wants a high dollar camera, but I'm gonna save and pitch in a sum for Christmas for that. But I think I'm going to give her a giftcard to Home Depot again, she really appreciated that, not that my mom doesn't appreciate things that she gets but she could really use it... like it was practical. Does that make sense?
I guess a lot also that has been getting me down is, well, I'm kinda lonely. I mean I know I shouldn't complain, but uhhhh. Okay okay, I knoooow one doesn't need to have a relationship to "survive" and I'm definitely not one of those girls that has to be in a relationship every minute of her life. I mean shoot, the single life is pretty hardcore and free... But that has me a bit down, I've never ever really been in one, like a real serious one. And that also takes me back to my self confidence self image issue. Though I am so shy and awkward when it comes to guys in the first place. I think it's because I didn't really have any guy friends, ever. This is group is the first guy friends I've really had lol. This is bad but some where programed in my brain I have "if I was thinner I would be liked better." I know it's horrible but sometimes I feel like it's true.
Like when I was in Arkansas I was given a really hard time about it, like hassled. First my new Uncle thought I was 16 yrs old... -dies- and then when I told him I was 21 he asked me why I was still living at home -dies- and why I haven't had any serious relationships. My answer, "Well I'm just having fun with my friends right now >.<" "Sheesh, you're 21 and haven't at least shacked up with two guys already?" Now let me paint you the picture, the kitchen is a square I'm pinned up against the refrigerator, my "uncle" is across the room from me and Rhiannon, my aunt, and my cousin are on either side of him. I felt like I was trapped. I didn't know what to say to that.. I felt like he was attacking me. I was kinda of taken back, heck no I haven't shacked up with guys. Geeez, I'm not trashy. First of all, that's against my moral ethics and religion. Secondly, I know what comes from that: children. Thirdly, that's not my idea of "fun." I just walked out of the room. When you go and see family that you haven't seen in forever they always a couple of these questions:
1. "Are you dating anyone?"
2. "Where do you work?"
3. "Have you graduated college yet?"
And oddly, I'm kind of sensitive to all. 1, No actually. 2, I live at a daycare. 3, No I messed up and slacked off, but at least I'm still going.
Okay now I'm just getting bitter. >.>
I'm sorry, I rant here a lot and don't really talk about it to you guys. But when it comes to feelings I get awkward and shy and shut down. I don't know what to say.
BUT IZUMICON. I'm really looking forward to that and our Halloween party. I really want crazy colored hair again too.. lol. But I know, I'm keeping my chin up. I know "he" won't show up on a white horse and I'm not going to just settle for anything. I have standards that I'm sticking to. I need to put faith into it. Honestly, I think I need to learn to love myself more, which is very hard.