Just freaking mad... at myself. For my putting things off, for my laziness, my stupid study habits, and my not so strong will power. I suck.
Scenario #1: I could have eaten the whole house down this morning. I almost let myself thinking, "Oh I'll just run tonight." I probably won't, now I have all these extra calories hanging out. I'm psycho. I finally got myself to stop.. even though I was splurging on "90 calorie" things, those things add up. I just always think, you've been wanting to loose weight for how long? Probably for like, a year or two, do you know how much you could have lost if you didn't give into yourself and actually got off your butt and did something about it?
Scenario #2: To even be accepted into the Nursing Program or even to be looked at, you have to have a gpa of 2.5, I'm thinking no big deal, right? I have a 2.2. -dies- I can't even apply this semester for next semester. I just want to curl up in a small ball and die. I am so lazy when it comes to academics. I have to get a B in this class. I'd say an A but that's probably unlikely. Oh my gosh.
That puts me a semester behind... I wanted to start actual Nursing school next semester. What I actually want to be doing for a living. But nope. Now I need to figure out what I'm going to be doing next semester... I have all of my classes taken. I have nothing left to take.. geez, way to screw this one up Mattie. I don't even know what to say, naughty words, uh.
I'm numb. I don't even feel like going to class. I have a test next week and because of my procrastination, I might just not do very well. Exactly a week from today. I just want to die. Someone please kill me now. I will now spend the rest of my week studying my butt off. I am so thankful we get to bring in a 4x6 note card, thank you Jesus.
I really don't know what to do with myself. I feel like a faliure at everything. I have nothing to show for myself. Other people my age have already graduated college, moved out, married, have kids, have traveled the world. Me, I'm stuck in Piedmont, I'm fat, and still living with Mom and Dad.
I'm going to go be emo now.