Tuesday, December 6, 2011

: /

It all started, yesterday.
I get a text message from my mom, I try to open it because it's a media message, it won't open and it tells me that there was a failure. I texted her back saying I couldn't open it, yada yada and she just sent me a sad face :( okay, I'm thinking it's probably not important. I shove my phone into my purse and I began class. And hour and 15 minutes later I check my phone, 6 messages and one missed call. Who in the world is trying to get a hold of me? My mother.. and my mother's friend from work. My mom says, "So and so sent you pictures of her son, what do you think?" Looked at the pictures and really didn't reply. I mean, what do you want me to say. Next class started she tries to call me again, I texted back "my class is 2:20 to 5:20, what do you need woman?" She just asking me and asking me about those stankin' photos. And called me two more times... >.> Now my sister is hounding me about it "how do you even know your type when you haven't dated around. I'm really worried about you, sometimes I think you're going to end up a lone, blah blah blah" I usually stop listening to her after that and then I get a facebook invite from him. Uhhhhh, yeah, that is my predicament. I think my mom and her friend are trying to work something out...

I don't know! I've never been on a real date before and that really freaks me out. I have a super childish personality, that freaks me out cause it freaks other people out. When I think about it, I'm a werido. So I've accepted him as a friend on facebook but haven't said anything... I mean, how do you approach that "Hahah, my mom is a crazy psycho and is trying to hook us up, I'm sorry." *animeheadrubscratchthing* And honestly being in a relationship scares me right now, I don't know if I'm ready to be in such a thing.... you have to think about another person. Not that I'm selfish/self absorbed, but I mean, dude. I think I fear the unknown more than anything... because I've never really have been in a "real" relationship. I've sort kinda been in one.. but not really.

Maybe nothing will come out of this and I'm just freaking out over nothing... sigh. I am totally cool with being single, I have no cares in the world. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. I don't have to worry about anyone's feelings but my own, is that horrible to say? Sure I do daydream about taking care of a family someday, but I wish I could skip the whole "searching for the right person" and that we'd "magically" find each other automatically.... I mean the thought of kinda dating would be fun, I guess. But I'm so horrible and skiddish and weird around guys. Before our group, I never talked to the male gender, NEVER. I get so nervous and stupid. I don't know why, I hate that about myself, I've always been like that. And if I was alone with a guy... I would totally freeze up! Especially if the other guy is quiet too, then it'd just be all awkward! D:

WHY MOM, WHY?! I think they had a slow day at work yesterday... and her boss's son committed suicide over the weekend, so she's kind been worried about me and a bit more clingy. Not that my mom doesn't show emotions, but she's more reserved in that aspect. I know she loves me and would do anything for me, but she doesn't show it a lot... like she doesn't really like to hug. So when she gave me a couple of hugs I was like whoahhhh. Some people are different, you know? I love my mommy though :D <3

I have a paper that is due tomorrow and I just can't muster any inspiration to do it, I just wanna sleep.

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