Friday, May 3, 2013

White petals f a l l i n g softly to the ground.

Did you know?

- I'm really picky about the apples I eat, my favorites are fuji and honeycrisp. I won't eat any other flavors, they're just not as sweet and crisp.
- I'm really quite shy and I'm hard to open up. I hate confrontation.
- I really like all kinds of music, I prefer classical or big band/swing.
- I cannot sleep with out a fan. Like a space fan or some sort of noise. I just can't sleep as well without one.
- I guess if I had to pick one color to be my favorite it would be pink. But I love purple, teal, blue, green as well. Especially pastels of all of those.
- In elementary I was bullied for being fat and I was called "Mattie Fattie" (thanks parents lol) that has made me self conscious ever since.
- I am such a country girl deep down. I miss riding horses, being in rodeos, riding in parades. I love country music too, I'm not gonna lie. It reminds me of my childhood.
- I was actually born in Arkansas ;)
- I love flowers! All flowers, even the kind people call weeds.

At first when I started to blog I was hateful, depressed, unmotivated. I was looking for a video to use with this entry and I found this person's youtube page. THEY HAVE AMAZING VIDEOS. Beautiful and wonderful calming relaxing videos. It really soothed me, I just closed my eyes and listened to it for a moment.

Hmph, sorry it has been a month since I last posted. It's been due to not knowing what to post about, unmotivated, no time, yada yada excuses.

Right now I'm just kind of stressed, here's why:
I'm about to come to another fork in the road. The people I've been staying with have been really great to me and I would love to stay longer here in Maryland with them. She's said things like, "I don't know what I'm going to do without you." "You are my sanity." And all these things... That there will not be another me or could I just go to school here. However on the other hand, I told P I'd come back to the daycare and help out this summer... do the program, help with the shirts.

Everything aside, I hate disappointing people and in my situation it has to be done.

Eventually yes, I have to come home. I need to work on my future... I want to see my family.

I talked to my mom about it.. she said people would think I'm crazy for giving it up. Yes, I make a lot of money.. but I'm lonely here. I don't have friends or family... at the end of the day, these people, they don't love me. Truly love me.. I miss hugs. I miss warmth. I miss being with loved ones.

Sometimes I feel like this world nowadays is just so wrapped up with money. Money this money that. It stinks.

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