"We use to play outside when we were full of life, full of love."

I love this music video, it's so different and unique. The music is really awesome too, they use instruments! Like band instruments, trumpets and stuff. That seems rare now-a-days.

Next step to a career: I have to get CNA training.. so I need to figure out when I can come home and do that... there's two options #1: a program will pay for it for me, but I have to work one year in a nursing home that's sooner care #2: I pay $700 that includes books and fees. Honestly I would rather pay the money then indebted myself to someone, you know? Then I have to pay $50.00 to take the Hessi exam (entrance exam) by April 1st. I have to get an OSBI done and get everything submitted so that I can be looked over for next fall! YAYAYAYA! I'm so excited. Like its within my grasp. And I've already told myself that if I don't make the cut that time, that I can always get a job as a CNA and try try try try again.

You guys are going to hate me when I say this... haha but I'm helping out at the daycare over Christmas break XPPPP I'm sorry! But I told her that I would help her out and she wanted to take Vacation time off. SO I couldn't go back on my word. Plus I have enough of a vacation away from it all. And I mean I am going to work there in the summer...... cause I don't start out on minimum wage XPPP lol

I feel like I have lost myself.

I don't know who I really am anymore. I feel like I exist.

I was using my floral purse, the one Cheryl gave me, and I was told.... "Let's get you a new purse that floral is not your style." But I like floral. I REALLY LOVE FLORAL. And that cute floral, vintage, victorian style. I wanted to buy a new wardrobe and wear that kind of cute clothes. Like the styles of what I post... I somehow have a boho/hippie stereotype stuck on me.. :///// that was a phase and I grew out of it. I love flowers....

But it just got me to think.. what is my "style"? And I'm afraid that right now it's lumberjack 40 year old frumpy man, 'specially with my short hair.. I've been super envious of everyone's long hair >.>

 /facepalm 

When things slow down at the end of the day I'm reminded of how lonely it gets... and I wonder if anyone else is lonely..

I promise I'm not fishing for anything, no pity parties here. Just putting thoughts down. I don't need your sympathy either.. I've put myself in all of these predicaments, all of these things are caused by my horrible lack of judgement. I just wish instant gratification worked for everything, that'd be great... 

THINGS I NEED TO DO!!
- Finish shopping for family Christmas: 2/11 left!
- Paper final due Sunday December 9th!

I've been watching too much Disney. Life doesn't work like that D: whyy Disney?

I'm so sick of couples.. and kissing noises... /stares

and I'm not having children till I die.

Okay, more like when I'm 35, oh lawd..

I've raised enough in my lifetime frankly, well more than you, over ten lol.

Sometimes I feel like an old bitter soul, rofl.

/currently procrastinating homework 

I'd be more willing to turn in homework assignments if the professor was MORE WILLING to grade them. I hate that more than anything.. like I want to know what I have going into the final, you know? Like how much effort should I really put into this? Buh. It's your job to grade, do it.

Tomorrow is Friday, December 7th, 1941 the Pearl Harbor anniversary. 71 years ago, many people died that day. My mom knew someone.. and I vaguely remember her telling me stories about it because I was told when I was little 8 ish maybe?, but she was a little girl and grew up in Hawaii and she remembers vividly being like 4/5 and seeing blood, bodies wash up on the shore. Intense. But I think if I grew up during the 1940's I'd definitely be a nurse back then as well. Though even now, I think about going into some sort of military service as a nurse. Serving for our country, purpose, you know?