Everything's gonna be, alright.

Sigh, well as most of you know already, Brant left. I guess they're just kind of at a stand still right now, seeing whether he comes back or not. I don't know but all I know is I'm worried that he'll make some really stupid decisions and end up having a kid. I really hope the world serves him up some hot fresh reality pie though because he really needs it.

Buhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Back to school and work and life. I am so glad we really only have a month left, this is crazy. I'm ready to not have to worry about due dates and deadlines and cramming. I don't mind working and what not because it pays the bills. My room is such a pit hopefully I can get all the laundry done in the short time I'm here.

2 MONTHS AND FIVE DAYS until A-KON!
3 MONTHS AND NINETEEN DAYS until TNT!

It's gonna be here before we know it! I am so excited and so ready for the mental getaway.

I know what I must do. I can't keep whining when all I do is sit around, be lazy, tired, and try to reason things out with myself. If I wanted this so bad, wouldn't I have already done it? It's been, what, almost two years? Just think where I could be right now. Well we can't dote on the past we have to look to the now and what's ahead of us. I need to condition myself, I need to give myself more credit, and I need to absolutely LOVE myself first. There is still time, it is NEVER too late.

"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution."

That is my problem and I need to encourage myself to have better self control. I need to stop comparing my body to others. Bigger body types run in my family so it's going to be harder to fight but not impossible. You guys seriously need to check out the show "I Use to be Fat" it is an amazing show and it is the healthy way to loose weight. I'm sorry I always blog about this but it's always in the back of my mind. Sometimes I feel like my weight is the thing holding me back. I was teased back in elementary/middle school about being a "bigger" girl. So it's always been a problem to me. It's hard for me to grasp right now that I'm pretty or beautiful because I don't really see that. But slowly, with a healing process from the only person who can give it to me, I'm going to get there.