Are you even going to try?

"Are you even going to go try?" Haha, Brant just said that to me. I've been playing Final Fantasy X and I'm at the final boss of the game.. and I've been trying to defeat him for about three days now.. and I'm kinda burnt out right now. I think I'm going to go train my characters though and then go kick the final boss's butt.

I was sad, I'm almost done with it... FFX that is. Then I thought, DUDE! I can start FFX-2 haha! I still need to get that "perfect ending." 

I'm so excited for school to start! Less time at the daycare, although these past couple of weeks have been awesome, and more time to myself. Well I suppose less responsibility... though lots more of homework, boo.

I've been drawing a lot lately too. Thought I should get it in before I start school and I'm not able to do it all the time. I like a lot of it, but I wish I could make it better, less catoonish.

Uhhhhhhh Degrassi is so lame, I wish it would change already. I'm just waiting for the next show to come on. ROFL

Hoooooe hum.

I think things will be good for a while now. I think we're over the hill finally, thank goodness. Well I'm excited, tomorrow I'm going swimming with the daycare folks at Okarche! It's a nice size outside swimming pool and I love love love going off the high dive. Haha, me and the older kids at the daycare try to do "waterbending cannon balls" and what not off of it. We also scream "WATERBENDING CANNON BALL!" They actually taught me a good lesson, the kids. I wouldn't scream it, I was really embarrassed to do it.. I thought "What will the life guards think of me? (They we're really cute)" I didn't want them thinking I was stupid... so when I got back in line one of the older boys told me this "Just do it, there's nothing to be ashamed of. You're surrounded by kids who think you're awesome, so it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks." That came from the mouth of a 9 year old boy. Thank you, those words I will hold on to for the rest of my life.     

Okay, I know I'm a bad girl for doing this but I don't really have a class on Wednesday nights... so instead I went to Kohl's. We dropped off the kiddos to their classes, Brant went to class with Alex, and then off we were. I got some $4.00 pants, a really pretty classy $14.00 dress that was originally $70. And a couple of other things for a pretty good deal. I was very pleased with myself! Haha.

I've been drawing everyday, trying to improve. So far I really really really hate drawing hands. I hate it! I am so horrible at it. But I've just been getting into a drawing mood... that and when I get bored I get the munchies and I'm trying to cut back... so instead I've been drawing! So I can keep my mind off of food! lol, but seriously. And I haven't been looking at any reference pictures, just me, my pencil, and a ruler. They're not that pretty... D: But I'm working on that!

Sorry for being so down in the dumps.. I've been crying so much lately and I hate it. I hate being sad almost as much as I hate drawing hands. It's kinda been stressful but I also think drawing has helped with that. I can get my rage out on paper instead of keeping it bottled up. It's just work, home, life in general. I'm actually ready, now, for school to start and for fall to be here. I love the smell of fall, the smell of the health/science building, and almost getting into my program. Which I need to study for my entrance exam.. shoot. XD

AND YOU SHOULD GO HERE:
http://mattiee.blogspot.com/

Pretty $70 dress I got for $14! :D 

Skyscraper.

The other day I had a really awesome dream. Meghan, Cheryl, and I had families that were ranked class wise, so we had titles of "ladies" like "Lady Meghan" etc. And we were at the royal palace or some jazz, in super cute lolita, and we were drinking tea. Uh, it was so pretty! Like the tea cups, the table, the tea parlor. We were waiting for someone, I wanna say like the "princess" or something I can't really remember. And we looked so cute and awesome! Uh! And the general walked in, mmmmmmm, eye candy, and we were totally all googly eyed all over him. Haha! It was an awesome dream. :D

I had loads of fun today! I went to an "anime party" at Suncoast in the mall with my gang. Haha, I dressed Alex as Aang, Ariana as Katara, Caelynn as Misty, and Ana as Satsuki. I was of course Videl because it's the most comfy one I have. XD Horrah for laziness. Then taking advantage of the buy one get one 50% off, I bought another copy of Spirited Away and Castle in the Sky. My Miyazaki collection is almost complete... lol.

So. I signed Alex and Ariana up as a cosplay group, then Caelynn, and then Ana. But I stood with them up there because there was no way that they were gonna stand up their by themselves, which is totally cool with me. It was totally all about the kiddos today, I did it all for them. I wanted them to have fun, which they had loads of fun. I mean they got to meet Miku, which they all really love. Anyway, so the Miku cosplayer got 2nd and the FLCL Haruko Haruhara (totally looked that name up) got 1st, the crowd voted for the places not the people in charge at the store. Whatever it didn't matter because everyone came up to my kiddos and gave them candy and told them how awesome/cute/adorable they were. After the cosplay contest was a ramune drinking contest so we decided to go get something to snack on/drink. So we were talking about how awesome they did in the contest and Brant says "Well you know the only reason why that Miku girl and the Fooley Cooley girl won was because they were cute. And the crowd voted.. and they were mostly guys. They were really cute." I laughed but it was true. "Haha, right. So if I entered do you think I would win because I'm cute?" Totally kidding because I am so not that way. I think he said something to the effect of "I have no opinion" or something like that. I know he's my brother and he can't say whether I am cute or not but I think he could have said something differently, it kinda brought me down.

No it brought me way down. I know those girls were probably years younger than me... but I still compare myself to them. I know I know, I shouldn't do that. But it's like I unconsciously compare myself to other girls all the time, a bad bad habit of mine. You guys are probably getting tired of hearing/reading me talk/type about my stupid insecurities and I wish I didn't have them. I felt good about myself for a while, but now I'm back on my slump. And I know you don't have to be thin/smaller in order to be beautiful.. is it bad that I want to loose more weight? I don't know. I feel flawed, I feel like a wallflower, and I feel a shojo marathon soon.

I'm glad it's raining. We need rain.

I'm in the process of making a Videl x Gohan video :D I found a song that I really liked.. I hope it turns out good hmph. And I'm really thinking about entering in the AMV contest at Izumicon. I have until November 1st so whoo! I wanna re-do my Blow - Avatar video, haha. I think that would be really awesome. Today has totally got me thinking about cosplay for Izumicon as well. For sure Super Sailor Moon, I have to. I'm thinking Nurse Joy too... I'd get to buy a pink wig! GASP!